So I still have no cheats. I'm measuring things pretty religiously, but it's not too hard when you are just on protein and veggies. I was having a hard time finishing breakfast (2 eggs plus veggies-either my egg bake or egg "muffins") so I decided I would switch to having it for snack...still no such finishing. I start to get a little nauseous towards the end. Right now I am on 3 meals and 3 products. Next week we add a serving of fruit and then we have the option of sticking with 3 meals and 3 products or all food or some combination. I still enjoy having my shake with coffee in the AM and PM, but I also see the value of not relying on the product for meals so I'm thinking I will go ahead and purchase the 3 each week for a while and see how it goes. I'll plan on cooking but keep the products as back up. Most likely I will keep having my AM shake with coffee. I also think it won't be super easy to eat 6 times a day with work. That's the other reason I plan to just keep buying product. I would say the hardest part, by far, is getting 2 cups of veggies in at each meal. That is a lot of veggies!!! I lost 2lbs this week so I'm still right on track. Hopefully this week will be the same! I'm at about 1100 calories/day now. I keep planning to step up the exercise more, but I'm not super motivated to do much more than walk. Ugh....I think I'll just focus on food for the next couple of weeks and then start rewarding fitness goals. Exercise is what is going to help me keep the weight off and keep my body looking the way I want it to. As far as weight goes I am now 188lbs start weight 242.6-or something like that)...my first sort of "long term" goal is 164. That gets me just into the "healthy weight" BMI. I also have a size goal of 10. I didn't have difficulty really maintaining a 10 in the past, so I think it is reasonable. Right now I am a baggy size 14. :-) I need to buy a couple more pants for work, but can't decide if I should by the 12 or not. Since my weight loss will likely slow down I will probably fit a 12 for a couple months, but maybe I should just stick to a baggy 14. I'll think about it and look at finances a bit more!
My day looks sort of like this for meals:
6/7am Shake with coffee
9/10am Egg bake of egg muffins
1230pm Cottage cheese with baby carrots
230/3pm Optifast fudge graham bar
5pm Pepper stuffed with lean ground beef and tomatoes seasoned with taco seasoning
7/730pm Shake with decaf coffee
Other meals I have enjoyed: Chicken breast baked with peppers and tomatoes and basalmic vinegar, ground turkey breast baked in foil with peppers and spinach and salmon steamed in my steamer with asparagus and chinese seasoning. Oh and salmon steamed with Spinach with lemon. OH! And tonight I made spaghetti squash and combined it with a sauté of chicken breast, garlic, tomato and spinach with italian seasoning. It was pretty good-I couldn't quite finish but that is a theme and I am happy to toss the leftovers (or put them in the pups bowls.)
I'm enjoying cooking again. I would love to have a slice of pizza so I am thinking about doing one of those cauliflower or zucchini crusts and topping with just sliced tomatoes and cheese. I know it isn't the same, but I think it will still be satisfying. :-) I have my eye on my goals still so I'm not very tempted to veer off plan. I'm also slightly afraid that I am being overly confident about all of this. I just feel like I'm getting my health in a good place and I can't live in fear of making mistakes so I'm just enjoying playing with recipes and eating at my table. :-)
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Saturday, February 6, 2016
Transition!!
I've become a slacker blogger. I've been extremely distracted looking for jobs and daydreaming of Southern California. I really want to get back to sunshine and warm beaches!! I have had 2 great interviews and zero offers. I have a call to make for a local job that would be a completely new job for me on Monday before I miss out on that opportunity. I have until Mid-March to get an offer or I'm just going to have to plan to stay put for another year (my lease will be up and I can't afford to pay the month to month rent on my terrible salary (in comparison to all the other nurses I know here.)
Anyway, if you are checking out this page you probably want to know about transition!! Week one I chose to replace my evening soup with salmon and asparagus and chicken and peppers. It was delicious! I'm definitely full after the 3oz of protein and 2c of veggies. I was nervous to take the first bite-I felt like one of my anorexic patients I used to take care of, but got over it. I had to alter and switch to lunch 2 days because I had an inservice at work Tuesday evening and then class on the Wednesday night. This week I am having 2 eggs + 2 cups of spinach that I baked in muffin tins for breakfast and I'm alternating between another chicken, tomato and pepper with basalmic baked meal and a tilapia and asparagus. So far so good. The eggs are sort of too filling. The first day I couldn't finish them. Yesterday I gagged on the last bite and had to spit it out, but today I finished them. I'm still having the metamucil most days, but I imagine I will stop it next week when we add our third meal. Oh! We had a different facilitator this week who is an RD (I think) and she is now the lead educator and in charge of transition. She made us a sample menu and I have so many new ideas for non meat options. I want to try and just have meat for dinner mostly. One thing she suggested is carrots with cinnamon and greek yogurt or cottage cheese. MMMMMM....And we can add a tiny bit of oil-like 1/2-1tsp. That's really plenty anyway.
I'm not getting quite as much exercise. I guess I am still getting 30min, but I was getting closer to 40-60 for a while. My last 2 weeks of full fast I only lost 1.5-2lbs per week, but last week (after my first week of food) I lost 4.6! Yeah! So my total as of last weeks was 50lbs! I'm extremely happy with that. I am going to Mexico on March 3-7 and I'm hoping to lose another 5-8lbs. That's really just an arbitrary number, but it sounds good. :-) I typically lose weight on vacation so we will see!! As far as goals I have 26lbs to go before my first long term goal of being in the healthy BMI range. After that I plan to just stay on 1200 calories/day until I'm at a comfortable weight-most likely 150-155. That number keeps me comfortably in the healthy BMI range and I have always been comfortable in clothes at that weight.
Next week we have the option of ordering 2 products/day or 3 products/day so I have some thinking to do! I think I want to continue to have a shake for my coffee in the AM and a shake for evening snack. I may just continue to do 3 shakes until Mexico. For the trip I think I will just order powder packets for my am coffee and a bar for a snack at some point. That will be my first real test I guess!
I was worried a bit about wanting to eat constantly once I started eating again, but that hasn't happened yet. I'm still on about 1000 calories/day so maybe when that calorie amt goes up it will change a little. This week I'm going to try and start jogging again. I know it is key to maintenance and I really need to do more than 30min per day of cardio. I also need to add strength training ASAP-which I have been saying for weeks. I like exercise and feeling strong, but maybe I'm afraid I'll be disappointed in my efforts. It may also have been harder to focus on the meal side of things if I had been working out a lot, who knows. I'm glad I seem to be on track and feel great!!
Anyway, if you are checking out this page you probably want to know about transition!! Week one I chose to replace my evening soup with salmon and asparagus and chicken and peppers. It was delicious! I'm definitely full after the 3oz of protein and 2c of veggies. I was nervous to take the first bite-I felt like one of my anorexic patients I used to take care of, but got over it. I had to alter and switch to lunch 2 days because I had an inservice at work Tuesday evening and then class on the Wednesday night. This week I am having 2 eggs + 2 cups of spinach that I baked in muffin tins for breakfast and I'm alternating between another chicken, tomato and pepper with basalmic baked meal and a tilapia and asparagus. So far so good. The eggs are sort of too filling. The first day I couldn't finish them. Yesterday I gagged on the last bite and had to spit it out, but today I finished them. I'm still having the metamucil most days, but I imagine I will stop it next week when we add our third meal. Oh! We had a different facilitator this week who is an RD (I think) and she is now the lead educator and in charge of transition. She made us a sample menu and I have so many new ideas for non meat options. I want to try and just have meat for dinner mostly. One thing she suggested is carrots with cinnamon and greek yogurt or cottage cheese. MMMMMM....And we can add a tiny bit of oil-like 1/2-1tsp. That's really plenty anyway.
I'm not getting quite as much exercise. I guess I am still getting 30min, but I was getting closer to 40-60 for a while. My last 2 weeks of full fast I only lost 1.5-2lbs per week, but last week (after my first week of food) I lost 4.6! Yeah! So my total as of last weeks was 50lbs! I'm extremely happy with that. I am going to Mexico on March 3-7 and I'm hoping to lose another 5-8lbs. That's really just an arbitrary number, but it sounds good. :-) I typically lose weight on vacation so we will see!! As far as goals I have 26lbs to go before my first long term goal of being in the healthy BMI range. After that I plan to just stay on 1200 calories/day until I'm at a comfortable weight-most likely 150-155. That number keeps me comfortably in the healthy BMI range and I have always been comfortable in clothes at that weight.
Next week we have the option of ordering 2 products/day or 3 products/day so I have some thinking to do! I think I want to continue to have a shake for my coffee in the AM and a shake for evening snack. I may just continue to do 3 shakes until Mexico. For the trip I think I will just order powder packets for my am coffee and a bar for a snack at some point. That will be my first real test I guess!
I was worried a bit about wanting to eat constantly once I started eating again, but that hasn't happened yet. I'm still on about 1000 calories/day so maybe when that calorie amt goes up it will change a little. This week I'm going to try and start jogging again. I know it is key to maintenance and I really need to do more than 30min per day of cardio. I also need to add strength training ASAP-which I have been saying for weeks. I like exercise and feeling strong, but maybe I'm afraid I'll be disappointed in my efforts. It may also have been harder to focus on the meal side of things if I had been working out a lot, who knows. I'm glad I seem to be on track and feel great!!
Saturday, January 23, 2016
4 More Days To Transition!!!
So my grand total on Thursday was 45.8lbs. Whoop! I lost 2lbs this week and 3 the week before. I got lazy on the blogging because nothing too exciting or life changing has happened. :-)
Well, potentially. I had a job interview in San Diego that I would love, but I'm waiting for a response. They send an email to references and have them fill out a short questionnaire which my references all did by Friday. So they should have had it all by Tuesday (it was MLK so no one worked Monday) so I would think they should have a decision, but I suppose who knows what is happening. The trouble with nursing is that it is hard to get in to new places with all the unions even when you know people! I work in pediatrics and really being in the SF Bay Area and single can only afford to work for the bigger institutions. The same issues exist in the south it seems. Darn unions (yes, I know they do their job to protect workers, but I just want a foot in a door!) I applied for even more jobs in the area here and under the advice of many people I even applied for jobs that are not in pediatrics! We shall see. I would still really love to go south if they will have me!
We got all of our transition information this week. Basically my program adds in 3oz of lean protein and 2 cups of veggies every week for 3 weeks and then you are allowed to either stay on 3 Optifast products plus 3 meals of about 150-250 calories each (depending on your goals and weight loss, etc) forever if you want. If you don't want product anymore you just aim for 1100-1200 cal/day until you reach your goal. At the end we will do RMR testing with calorimetry to see what we need to eat to sustain ourselves. I'm excited for that, because I have always been curious! I think it will be a great tool to have in our packets. They say if you have been overweight and loose a lot of weight that your RMR stays about 20% slower than a person of the same size and build who has never been overweight. My question is does it matter how long you have been overweight? Or how much you have to lose? I feel like then every person who gains excess weight in a pregnancy and loses it will always deal with having to eat less or move more. Science is crazy. :-)
At any rate I am ready to stop having soup for dinner. They want us to pick one meal and essentially limit the choices as well. So I picked dinner and I plan to add in salmon and chicken (or possibly tofu-haven't quite decided that yet) and for veggies I'll buy asparagus and maybe peppers. I also thought maybe I could just buy a big variety of veggies and just steam them all together at the beginning of the week. So I guess I still have some planning to do before Thursday! I do plan to stop at Sprouts on the way home from weight management class on Wednesday night so that I will have food ready at home Thursday evening! I thought about cooking, but I think that will be too much after class so I will maybe chop some veggies and defrost my salmon overnight-basically prep so I can just steam my meal when I get home Thursday. They also want us to do bland food. I can see why, but I have been adding spices to my soups so we will see how long that lasts. :-)
All very exciting!
Well, potentially. I had a job interview in San Diego that I would love, but I'm waiting for a response. They send an email to references and have them fill out a short questionnaire which my references all did by Friday. So they should have had it all by Tuesday (it was MLK so no one worked Monday) so I would think they should have a decision, but I suppose who knows what is happening. The trouble with nursing is that it is hard to get in to new places with all the unions even when you know people! I work in pediatrics and really being in the SF Bay Area and single can only afford to work for the bigger institutions. The same issues exist in the south it seems. Darn unions (yes, I know they do their job to protect workers, but I just want a foot in a door!) I applied for even more jobs in the area here and under the advice of many people I even applied for jobs that are not in pediatrics! We shall see. I would still really love to go south if they will have me!
We got all of our transition information this week. Basically my program adds in 3oz of lean protein and 2 cups of veggies every week for 3 weeks and then you are allowed to either stay on 3 Optifast products plus 3 meals of about 150-250 calories each (depending on your goals and weight loss, etc) forever if you want. If you don't want product anymore you just aim for 1100-1200 cal/day until you reach your goal. At the end we will do RMR testing with calorimetry to see what we need to eat to sustain ourselves. I'm excited for that, because I have always been curious! I think it will be a great tool to have in our packets. They say if you have been overweight and loose a lot of weight that your RMR stays about 20% slower than a person of the same size and build who has never been overweight. My question is does it matter how long you have been overweight? Or how much you have to lose? I feel like then every person who gains excess weight in a pregnancy and loses it will always deal with having to eat less or move more. Science is crazy. :-)
At any rate I am ready to stop having soup for dinner. They want us to pick one meal and essentially limit the choices as well. So I picked dinner and I plan to add in salmon and chicken (or possibly tofu-haven't quite decided that yet) and for veggies I'll buy asparagus and maybe peppers. I also thought maybe I could just buy a big variety of veggies and just steam them all together at the beginning of the week. So I guess I still have some planning to do before Thursday! I do plan to stop at Sprouts on the way home from weight management class on Wednesday night so that I will have food ready at home Thursday evening! I thought about cooking, but I think that will be too much after class so I will maybe chop some veggies and defrost my salmon overnight-basically prep so I can just steam my meal when I get home Thursday. They also want us to do bland food. I can see why, but I have been adding spices to my soups so we will see how long that lasts. :-)
All very exciting!
Saturday, January 9, 2016
2 more weeks!!!
Sort of...I think I mentioned that I count the week "over" for this journey when it starts. :-)
Anyway I am halfway through Week 14 at this point. Still ZERO cheats! I am really proud of that. However, I do agree that it is pointless to beat yourself up if you do cheat. On the other hand I don't think it is OK to give yourself permission to cheat just because nothing bad happened this time. First of all, as a nurse who has worked with patients at risk for referring syndrome I have seen electrolytes go nuts when you re-feed too fast. It's not a good thing! Also, the fact that nothing showed up on the scale this week doesn't mean that what you ate today won't show up next week! I let myself get away with binging for too many (6) years because I would have a "bad day" and then I wouldn't have a gain on the scale so I allowed it to continue. And then in 2 weeks I would be up another 2-3lbs and all those 2-3lbs added up to 100! So, for me personally I need to remember that cheating is only cheating myself and that there is a reason I gained all this weight in the first place. I will use that going forward into maintenance as well. I was always a healthy weight and when I think back during those healthy years I would MAYBE once a month eat a little extra but in general I didn't overindulge. I think one thing that helped me stay there is that I lived with a mother who was overweight and had several extended family members that were obese. I never thought I would join them in those ranks. Then, I became a travel nurse, worked crazy rotating shifts and was mostly surrounded by people of healthy weights. Sounds silly, but I truly think that was part of it-I just stopped paying attention! Of course, our facilitator has brought that up a few times-that people who are a healthy weight actually do think about what they are putting in their moths even though you don't hear them do it. :-) Lessons learned, right??
So this week I weighed in at 200.8lbs! So, that means this Thursday I will be under 200 for the first time since January 2008. Thank goodness. The last time I remember weighing myself besides right before I went to Boston. I remember because I went to Seattle that Sept and weighed in at 198 and I remember telling someone that I was dangerously close to the next century of weight and that I was terrified of getting there. I met the same people in Vegas that January and I was still the same weight. So anyway, I am very excited to hit 197 and feel like I am losing the 35 or so pounds that I gained on night shift in San Diego. :-) Sometimes I think back to my time in San Diego and it makes me sad that I left when I did, but I am so glad I went home and spent the next year with my best friend as she was dealing with her cancer and later passed away. It is frustrating though that when I left SD I was finally getting active again! Ah well. I'm finally get back there again!!
Today I did my C25K run. It was week 8 day 1 and was a 27min run. I was finally under a 15min pace for the run portion and I know it would have been slightly faster without the pups, but I'm not ready to leave them behind. ;-) They enjoy it too much. Plus Lucy still has weight to lose. Ha! And Lola just needs the exercise. She is still crazy after our 40min (total with the warm up and cool down.) I think I will be back in the 12min/mile range soon enough. And that is probably where I will hang out forever. :-) If anyone is thinking of doing it, I just want to say that you can run at any weight! Of course you should probably be walking first, but when I started this my run was a shuffle, literally. It was not what anyone would ever consider a run, and actually it was probably slower than my walk. BUT it uses different muscles and it def got my heart rate up higher. If you do it right you aren't necessarily at risk for more injuries (all about form and not landing on a straight leg.) I actually recommend wearing a chest strap HR monitor to force yourself to only go at a pace that isn't too much and to follow an interval program. It has worked great for me this time. And worked wonderfully for me in the 2001 when I first started running!
Ok, that's it! Next 2 weeks of group are all about food and transition so they should be really interesting!
Anyway I am halfway through Week 14 at this point. Still ZERO cheats! I am really proud of that. However, I do agree that it is pointless to beat yourself up if you do cheat. On the other hand I don't think it is OK to give yourself permission to cheat just because nothing bad happened this time. First of all, as a nurse who has worked with patients at risk for referring syndrome I have seen electrolytes go nuts when you re-feed too fast. It's not a good thing! Also, the fact that nothing showed up on the scale this week doesn't mean that what you ate today won't show up next week! I let myself get away with binging for too many (6) years because I would have a "bad day" and then I wouldn't have a gain on the scale so I allowed it to continue. And then in 2 weeks I would be up another 2-3lbs and all those 2-3lbs added up to 100! So, for me personally I need to remember that cheating is only cheating myself and that there is a reason I gained all this weight in the first place. I will use that going forward into maintenance as well. I was always a healthy weight and when I think back during those healthy years I would MAYBE once a month eat a little extra but in general I didn't overindulge. I think one thing that helped me stay there is that I lived with a mother who was overweight and had several extended family members that were obese. I never thought I would join them in those ranks. Then, I became a travel nurse, worked crazy rotating shifts and was mostly surrounded by people of healthy weights. Sounds silly, but I truly think that was part of it-I just stopped paying attention! Of course, our facilitator has brought that up a few times-that people who are a healthy weight actually do think about what they are putting in their moths even though you don't hear them do it. :-) Lessons learned, right??
So this week I weighed in at 200.8lbs! So, that means this Thursday I will be under 200 for the first time since January 2008. Thank goodness. The last time I remember weighing myself besides right before I went to Boston. I remember because I went to Seattle that Sept and weighed in at 198 and I remember telling someone that I was dangerously close to the next century of weight and that I was terrified of getting there. I met the same people in Vegas that January and I was still the same weight. So anyway, I am very excited to hit 197 and feel like I am losing the 35 or so pounds that I gained on night shift in San Diego. :-) Sometimes I think back to my time in San Diego and it makes me sad that I left when I did, but I am so glad I went home and spent the next year with my best friend as she was dealing with her cancer and later passed away. It is frustrating though that when I left SD I was finally getting active again! Ah well. I'm finally get back there again!!
Today I did my C25K run. It was week 8 day 1 and was a 27min run. I was finally under a 15min pace for the run portion and I know it would have been slightly faster without the pups, but I'm not ready to leave them behind. ;-) They enjoy it too much. Plus Lucy still has weight to lose. Ha! And Lola just needs the exercise. She is still crazy after our 40min (total with the warm up and cool down.) I think I will be back in the 12min/mile range soon enough. And that is probably where I will hang out forever. :-) If anyone is thinking of doing it, I just want to say that you can run at any weight! Of course you should probably be walking first, but when I started this my run was a shuffle, literally. It was not what anyone would ever consider a run, and actually it was probably slower than my walk. BUT it uses different muscles and it def got my heart rate up higher. If you do it right you aren't necessarily at risk for more injuries (all about form and not landing on a straight leg.) I actually recommend wearing a chest strap HR monitor to force yourself to only go at a pace that isn't too much and to follow an interval program. It has worked great for me this time. And worked wonderfully for me in the 2001 when I first started running!
Ok, that's it! Next 2 weeks of group are all about food and transition so they should be really interesting!
Saturday, January 2, 2016
Happy New Year!!!
It's 2016!!! I am officially a 40yr old. I am not yet in my 40s though. Haha...
I'll start with my last weigh in on 12/30-I was minus 1.6lbs for a grand total of 37.2lbs. It is the lowest number I have had but I'm ok with it. It is still a loss. There are a few reasons it could be lower. I switched fiber sources from Metamucil to Benefiber. I had been doing 1tbsp of sugar free orange Metamucil every night. When I ran out I went a few days with nothing and then decided to switch to Benefiber because it is "flavorless." I do 2tsp three times/day. Technically I think I am getting more fiber each day, but I feel like the Benefiber doesn't work as well. I'm going to give the whole bottle a go though. I also feel like my water intake probably went down and my runs went up a little so all of those things lead to my body is probably holding on to water and maybe I'm carrying around more solid waste...I'm a GI nurse, remember? ;-) So, long story short I am perfectly happy with my loss and am looking forward to the numbers the next 3 weeks will bring. That is how long we have until transition. Well, technically it's 3.5 weeks, but when the week starts I mark it off. Call it my Pollyanna personality. Ha! I remember doing the same thing during school when I was a kid.
I feel like I should be terrified of transition. I'm not. I spent a large part of my life eating a fairly healthy diet or being a kid and eating next to nothing. I have spent a much smaller period of my life overeating and not getting exercise. I know that the habits I developed over the last 6 or so years will be hard to break, but I also hope that the old healthier habits I used to have will take over. I have the benefit of lots of knowledge about what to eat and how to prepare it. A lot of people do not have that going into transition. One of the guys in my group is shocked at what a portion actually looks like. I feel like I have a slight advantage.
I still haven't had a cheat and I don't plan to. The people that have had cheats don't necessarily regret them, but they also say it wasn't a big deal and they got right back on plan. I think I also have an advantage in that I live alone and I'm content to hang out alone or just go see movies or go on walks with friends. I think that means I have less temptation.
I welcomed in the new year alone. And in the past (for as long as I have been an adult) that has made me really sad. This is the first year that I have not been sad about being single and childless over the holidays. I also find myself enjoying my nights alone much more than I was. I used to be sad that I was just sitting home alone when others were hanging out with their families or going out with friends. It's more like I am choosing to be with myself and I am learning that I am a great person to hang out with. Ha! Just me and my pups. NOT that I am a hermit! Of course I love people, but I think it is really important to be able to enjoy your own company. :-) If you don't like to be around you then why would anyone else? It will also give me the confidence to go out and meet new people. I also received a rather obnoxious text from an ex. He was pretty toxic (as was I) but we still send birthday messages or check in on each other every once in a while. I was initially excited to see his text because it had been a while. However the text came after I had received several calls from a number I didn't recognize (which turned out to be him.) I don't answer calls I don't recognize. I wasn't in a position to have a phone conversation so I let him know it wasn't a good time. He responded by sending me a mean text saying that he would have thought I would be more "cosmopolitan or eccentric" by now and that I should just move to Oklahoma because I don't belong in California. Sorry if anyone reading this is from the midwest, but he is from there as well and has the most insane hate for all things midwestern. Anyway, I was shocked, but I simply replied that I'm sorry I was enjoying a NYE party and couldn't talk and that I wished him lots of love in 2016. I don't intend to ever have any contact with him again. In the past I would have gotten that text and it would have destroyed me. This year I simply thought wow, he really doesn't know anything about me now and I will rise above this and I don't need someone like that in my life. PS he is engaged and I am guessing they are fighting or on the verge of breaking up because that is his trend in contacting me. So unhealthy!
Anyway, that text exchange and the fact that I actually enjoyed a holiday season alone and without any desire to binge when I got that text lead me to believe that I have done some great work on myself and that I may finally be finding my way out of the sadness I have experienced since my best friend passed away. I used that as an excuse for so long and I think she would be happy to know that I am FINALLY doing the things that I love again. I have even completed through week 7 of the C210K running app. I am by no means fast, but that is ok!! I know speed will come with time and I am feeling stronger with ever step I take-that sounds so cliche but it is true! I have not been so optimistic going into a new year since I can remember (I think I already said that-BUT I MEAN IT!!)
Oh, I also found out who the nurse manager is for a job I applied to in San Diego. The timing is horrible. I would like to wait until May to start a new job but the job is right so we shall see! I love Northern California and Southern equally, which is a sure sign I am not a native of either. Ha!
Anyway, Happy New Year!! May you meet all of your goals, but remember baby steps lead to long term success and help you avoid burn out! If you have already been in the process of improving yourself then congrats and I know you will continue that momentum in 2016!!
I'll start with my last weigh in on 12/30-I was minus 1.6lbs for a grand total of 37.2lbs. It is the lowest number I have had but I'm ok with it. It is still a loss. There are a few reasons it could be lower. I switched fiber sources from Metamucil to Benefiber. I had been doing 1tbsp of sugar free orange Metamucil every night. When I ran out I went a few days with nothing and then decided to switch to Benefiber because it is "flavorless." I do 2tsp three times/day. Technically I think I am getting more fiber each day, but I feel like the Benefiber doesn't work as well. I'm going to give the whole bottle a go though. I also feel like my water intake probably went down and my runs went up a little so all of those things lead to my body is probably holding on to water and maybe I'm carrying around more solid waste...I'm a GI nurse, remember? ;-) So, long story short I am perfectly happy with my loss and am looking forward to the numbers the next 3 weeks will bring. That is how long we have until transition. Well, technically it's 3.5 weeks, but when the week starts I mark it off. Call it my Pollyanna personality. Ha! I remember doing the same thing during school when I was a kid.
I feel like I should be terrified of transition. I'm not. I spent a large part of my life eating a fairly healthy diet or being a kid and eating next to nothing. I have spent a much smaller period of my life overeating and not getting exercise. I know that the habits I developed over the last 6 or so years will be hard to break, but I also hope that the old healthier habits I used to have will take over. I have the benefit of lots of knowledge about what to eat and how to prepare it. A lot of people do not have that going into transition. One of the guys in my group is shocked at what a portion actually looks like. I feel like I have a slight advantage.
I still haven't had a cheat and I don't plan to. The people that have had cheats don't necessarily regret them, but they also say it wasn't a big deal and they got right back on plan. I think I also have an advantage in that I live alone and I'm content to hang out alone or just go see movies or go on walks with friends. I think that means I have less temptation.
I welcomed in the new year alone. And in the past (for as long as I have been an adult) that has made me really sad. This is the first year that I have not been sad about being single and childless over the holidays. I also find myself enjoying my nights alone much more than I was. I used to be sad that I was just sitting home alone when others were hanging out with their families or going out with friends. It's more like I am choosing to be with myself and I am learning that I am a great person to hang out with. Ha! Just me and my pups. NOT that I am a hermit! Of course I love people, but I think it is really important to be able to enjoy your own company. :-) If you don't like to be around you then why would anyone else? It will also give me the confidence to go out and meet new people. I also received a rather obnoxious text from an ex. He was pretty toxic (as was I) but we still send birthday messages or check in on each other every once in a while. I was initially excited to see his text because it had been a while. However the text came after I had received several calls from a number I didn't recognize (which turned out to be him.) I don't answer calls I don't recognize. I wasn't in a position to have a phone conversation so I let him know it wasn't a good time. He responded by sending me a mean text saying that he would have thought I would be more "cosmopolitan or eccentric" by now and that I should just move to Oklahoma because I don't belong in California. Sorry if anyone reading this is from the midwest, but he is from there as well and has the most insane hate for all things midwestern. Anyway, I was shocked, but I simply replied that I'm sorry I was enjoying a NYE party and couldn't talk and that I wished him lots of love in 2016. I don't intend to ever have any contact with him again. In the past I would have gotten that text and it would have destroyed me. This year I simply thought wow, he really doesn't know anything about me now and I will rise above this and I don't need someone like that in my life. PS he is engaged and I am guessing they are fighting or on the verge of breaking up because that is his trend in contacting me. So unhealthy!
Anyway, that text exchange and the fact that I actually enjoyed a holiday season alone and without any desire to binge when I got that text lead me to believe that I have done some great work on myself and that I may finally be finding my way out of the sadness I have experienced since my best friend passed away. I used that as an excuse for so long and I think she would be happy to know that I am FINALLY doing the things that I love again. I have even completed through week 7 of the C210K running app. I am by no means fast, but that is ok!! I know speed will come with time and I am feeling stronger with ever step I take-that sounds so cliche but it is true! I have not been so optimistic going into a new year since I can remember (I think I already said that-BUT I MEAN IT!!)
Oh, I also found out who the nurse manager is for a job I applied to in San Diego. The timing is horrible. I would like to wait until May to start a new job but the job is right so we shall see! I love Northern California and Southern equally, which is a sure sign I am not a native of either. Ha!
Anyway, Happy New Year!! May you meet all of your goals, but remember baby steps lead to long term success and help you avoid burn out! If you have already been in the process of improving yourself then congrats and I know you will continue that momentum in 2016!!
Friday, December 25, 2015
Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas!
I stayed in California and FaceTimed with my family while they opened gifts. :-) I stuck to plan 100% and plan to continue through these last 4 weeks without a cheat! Not much has changed. I am not having any more issues with dizziness thank goodness. We had the MD visit and labs this week and all was perfect! I lost another 3.something. So my total loss at the start of week 12 is 35.6lbs. I'm really happy with that number. :-) Technically I have been completed 10 weeks of full fast. So I'm averaging 3.5lbs per week. They say weeks 5-9 are the true predictors of ongoing loss and it looks like I lost about 3/wk during that time. The last few weeks things have picked up. I think I'm getting more steps in and more exercise minutes. I'm getting at least 40min/day avg and about 6500 steps most days. According to the MFP predictors I think I'll be just around 190 on transition week. Yeah! My short term goal is 164 which just puts me in the healthy weight range with no wiggle room. My ultimate goal is to settle somewhere in the 150s. But I'm also not trying to spend too much time thinking about where I'll end up right now.
I've been super emotional at work and I brought it up a little at group this week. One lady blamed hormones, but I know I've been unhappy in this job for quite some time. I know that it isn't the job I want to stay in for the next 20yrs and it's hard. I have feelings of guilt about it and I suppose the way I have been dealing with it so far is by eating those feelings and burying them. It's a huge relief to have told the doctors I work with and I hope that by doing so I can either make this job more fulfilling and interesting or I can move on. I applied for a job in San Diego that may or may not be more interesting. We shall see. The best case scenario would be my current job becomes more interesting and I can stay put. :-) We shall see what January brings!
I was going to write about something else, but it slipped my mind. Ah well. We briefly talked about transition again this week. We confirmed it is measure out 2c of veggies and THEN cook. Thank goodness! I don't think I could have managed 2 cups of cooked veggies. :-) I got my multi-cooker and it is unpacked and ready to be washed for my first meal. I am intrigued by the programs where people do full fast until they reach goal. I can't help but wonder if that is a good idea or a bad idea. While it is certainly inspiring to see the scale go down quickly, I think it is also good to see the numbers go down while eating real food. They did tell us that we could buy up to 3 products/day after week 20 (our last week of transition.) I have a feeling I will be doing that. I like having my shake at night and I think that it will help ease me back into things. It's a much healthier night time snack then a bowl of ice cream and just as tasty (or that's how I remember it-ha!!) Some people in group are talking about how bored they are, some are super excited for food, some have been through this before and assure us that it isn't all that exciting when we get food because it isn't much and I guess the rest of us are just hanging out. :-) I am in that group for sure. I am just trying to think of transition as more rule following. I plan to mostly eat the same things every day to make it easy (or at least the few items every week.) They say the people who are successful at losing weight and keeping it off log what they eat, monitor their weight, get 30-60min of exercise and pretty much eat the same foods all the time. Eating other things will be saved for dinners out with friends.
Guess that's all I've got for tonight!
Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! Until next week (or until I need to write!)
I've been super emotional at work and I brought it up a little at group this week. One lady blamed hormones, but I know I've been unhappy in this job for quite some time. I know that it isn't the job I want to stay in for the next 20yrs and it's hard. I have feelings of guilt about it and I suppose the way I have been dealing with it so far is by eating those feelings and burying them. It's a huge relief to have told the doctors I work with and I hope that by doing so I can either make this job more fulfilling and interesting or I can move on. I applied for a job in San Diego that may or may not be more interesting. We shall see. The best case scenario would be my current job becomes more interesting and I can stay put. :-) We shall see what January brings!
I was going to write about something else, but it slipped my mind. Ah well. We briefly talked about transition again this week. We confirmed it is measure out 2c of veggies and THEN cook. Thank goodness! I don't think I could have managed 2 cups of cooked veggies. :-) I got my multi-cooker and it is unpacked and ready to be washed for my first meal. I am intrigued by the programs where people do full fast until they reach goal. I can't help but wonder if that is a good idea or a bad idea. While it is certainly inspiring to see the scale go down quickly, I think it is also good to see the numbers go down while eating real food. They did tell us that we could buy up to 3 products/day after week 20 (our last week of transition.) I have a feeling I will be doing that. I like having my shake at night and I think that it will help ease me back into things. It's a much healthier night time snack then a bowl of ice cream and just as tasty (or that's how I remember it-ha!!) Some people in group are talking about how bored they are, some are super excited for food, some have been through this before and assure us that it isn't all that exciting when we get food because it isn't much and I guess the rest of us are just hanging out. :-) I am in that group for sure. I am just trying to think of transition as more rule following. I plan to mostly eat the same things every day to make it easy (or at least the few items every week.) They say the people who are successful at losing weight and keeping it off log what they eat, monitor their weight, get 30-60min of exercise and pretty much eat the same foods all the time. Eating other things will be saved for dinners out with friends.
Guess that's all I've got for tonight!
Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! Until next week (or until I need to write!)
Friday, December 18, 2015
End of Week 10!!
So only 6 weeks to go and (5 weekends) before transition! It really feels like it has flown by!! This week I am down another 3.6 for a grand total of 32.2lbs. That's an average of 3lbs/week which is right on track. :-)
I am very happy with the weight loss. I'm feeling stronger and more like I will be able to meet my goals and get back to a healthy weight and enjoy staying there. I miss those days! Of course back then I thought I was fat at 155 (and I'm 5'8") so I wonder if anyone is ever truly happy with where their weight is at. I'm trying to think of it more as getting to a point where I can physically enjoy all the things I want to do and be comfortable doing them.
I have been stressed the last few weeks still about work. I'm considering making a change. I really love the vision I have in mind for how I want to function in ambulatory care, but when the director of your department and definitely not the practice administrator don't have that same vision it makes your vision seem impossible. It really would take all of those people to change my role which is why it is so frustrating!! I'm going to give it one more chat and if we can't make it work I think I'm going to go back to floor nursing while I finish my degree. There is a day shift position with the satellite unit of one of the major children's hospitals here. I am not crazy about the thought, but it is sort of a relief in a way too. I just really wish I could make this job what I want, but that's just not the way healthcare works. It makes me sad to think about it, but then I think about the pluses too: days off during the week, more money and feeling like a nurse again top the list. We shall see! I'm going to give it some thought the next couple of weeks before I actually apply (and talk to my current employers about whether they will ever be able to use me to my full scope of practice.) One thing I noticed is that in the past I probably would have stopped for pizza or ordered pizza and drowned my feelings in too many slices, but instead I had a good frustrated cry (it's also TOM so that does NOT help). The cry was cathartic and I'm hoping I'm thinking a little clearer. The other benefit to the position is that it gets me into a great health care system so that I have priority for jobs when I graduate! So I could get back into ambulatory or whatever and hopefully find something I really want. I really want my next job to be my forever job. Anyway, lots to think about and yeah me for not cheating!
On Rewards!
I have met 3 5lb goals so I bought myself a multi-cooker! I know I can't use it for a while, but it will be ready when I eat. This weekend I plan to get my apt cleaned up and find a spot for it on my counter top. :-) Our discussion this week was actually about rewards. I am rewarded every time I do my run/walk with beautiful views, a clearer mind (why am I not running when I come home frustrated?), loads of energy and feelings of confidence. I suppose those would fit into the physiological and psychological reward categories. I'm thinking a monetary reward would be putting money for some of my other rewards in a jar for doing things like strength training or drinking water or eating at my table or eating at my table in silence. :-) And non-monetary is apparently purchasing things (that doesn't make sense to me really, but I will take it.) So all the things I have already put on my reward list are those. :-) I don't remember the other types, but that's a good start. Ha! Think I'll start with strength training goals this week. I already have run/walk goals (I get to buy a song for my playlist with every week I complete of C25K). I should probably come up with a goal for completing the first 8 weeks since that is the 5k part and maybe another for the 10k part, etc. I guess I hadn't gotten very far on rewards. Anyway, for now I'll say for every strength workout I get to put $5 in a jar for fun stuff!
That's all for tonight! Best of luck wherever you are in your journey to whoever might be reading!
I am very happy with the weight loss. I'm feeling stronger and more like I will be able to meet my goals and get back to a healthy weight and enjoy staying there. I miss those days! Of course back then I thought I was fat at 155 (and I'm 5'8") so I wonder if anyone is ever truly happy with where their weight is at. I'm trying to think of it more as getting to a point where I can physically enjoy all the things I want to do and be comfortable doing them.
I have been stressed the last few weeks still about work. I'm considering making a change. I really love the vision I have in mind for how I want to function in ambulatory care, but when the director of your department and definitely not the practice administrator don't have that same vision it makes your vision seem impossible. It really would take all of those people to change my role which is why it is so frustrating!! I'm going to give it one more chat and if we can't make it work I think I'm going to go back to floor nursing while I finish my degree. There is a day shift position with the satellite unit of one of the major children's hospitals here. I am not crazy about the thought, but it is sort of a relief in a way too. I just really wish I could make this job what I want, but that's just not the way healthcare works. It makes me sad to think about it, but then I think about the pluses too: days off during the week, more money and feeling like a nurse again top the list. We shall see! I'm going to give it some thought the next couple of weeks before I actually apply (and talk to my current employers about whether they will ever be able to use me to my full scope of practice.) One thing I noticed is that in the past I probably would have stopped for pizza or ordered pizza and drowned my feelings in too many slices, but instead I had a good frustrated cry (it's also TOM so that does NOT help). The cry was cathartic and I'm hoping I'm thinking a little clearer. The other benefit to the position is that it gets me into a great health care system so that I have priority for jobs when I graduate! So I could get back into ambulatory or whatever and hopefully find something I really want. I really want my next job to be my forever job. Anyway, lots to think about and yeah me for not cheating!
On Rewards!
I have met 3 5lb goals so I bought myself a multi-cooker! I know I can't use it for a while, but it will be ready when I eat. This weekend I plan to get my apt cleaned up and find a spot for it on my counter top. :-) Our discussion this week was actually about rewards. I am rewarded every time I do my run/walk with beautiful views, a clearer mind (why am I not running when I come home frustrated?), loads of energy and feelings of confidence. I suppose those would fit into the physiological and psychological reward categories. I'm thinking a monetary reward would be putting money for some of my other rewards in a jar for doing things like strength training or drinking water or eating at my table or eating at my table in silence. :-) And non-monetary is apparently purchasing things (that doesn't make sense to me really, but I will take it.) So all the things I have already put on my reward list are those. :-) I don't remember the other types, but that's a good start. Ha! Think I'll start with strength training goals this week. I already have run/walk goals (I get to buy a song for my playlist with every week I complete of C25K). I should probably come up with a goal for completing the first 8 weeks since that is the 5k part and maybe another for the 10k part, etc. I guess I hadn't gotten very far on rewards. Anyway, for now I'll say for every strength workout I get to put $5 in a jar for fun stuff!
That's all for tonight! Best of luck wherever you are in your journey to whoever might be reading!
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