Week 3 Transition!

So I still have no cheats.  I'm measuring things pretty religiously, but it's not too hard when you are just on protein and veggies.  I was having a hard time finishing breakfast (2 eggs plus veggies-either my egg bake or egg "muffins") so I decided I would switch to having it for snack...still no such finishing.   I start to get a little nauseous towards the  end.  Right now I am on 3 meals and 3 products.  Next week we add a serving of fruit and then we have the option of sticking with 3 meals and 3 products or all food or some combination.  I still enjoy having my shake with coffee in the AM and PM, but I also see the value of not relying on the product for meals so I'm thinking I will go ahead and purchase the 3 each week for a while and see how it goes.  I'll plan on cooking but keep the products as back up.  Most likely I will keep having my AM shake with coffee.  I also think it won't be super easy to eat 6 times a day with work.  That's the other reason I plan to just keep buying product.  I would say the hardest part, by far, is getting 2 cups of veggies in at each meal.  That is a lot of veggies!!!  I lost 2lbs this week so I'm still right on track.  Hopefully this week will be the same!  I'm at about 1100 calories/day now.  I keep planning to step up the exercise more, but I'm not super motivated to do much more than walk.  Ugh....I think I'll just focus on food for the next couple of weeks and then start rewarding fitness goals.  Exercise is what is going to help me keep the weight off and keep my body looking the way I want it to.  As far as weight goes I am now 188lbs start weight 242.6-or something like that)...my first sort of "long term" goal is 164.  That gets me just into the "healthy weight" BMI.  I also have a size goal of 10.  I didn't have difficulty really maintaining a 10 in the past, so I think it is reasonable.  Right now I am a baggy size 14. :-)  I need to buy a couple more pants for work, but can't decide if I should by the 12 or not.  Since my weight loss will likely slow down I will probably fit a 12 for a couple months, but maybe I should just stick to a baggy 14.  I'll think about it and look at finances a bit more!

My day looks sort of like this for meals:
6/7am Shake with coffee
9/10am Egg bake of egg muffins
1230pm Cottage cheese with baby carrots
230/3pm Optifast fudge graham bar
5pm Pepper stuffed with lean ground beef and tomatoes seasoned with taco seasoning
7/730pm  Shake with decaf coffee

Other meals I have enjoyed:  Chicken breast baked with peppers and tomatoes and basalmic vinegar, ground turkey breast baked in foil with peppers and spinach and salmon steamed in my steamer with asparagus and chinese seasoning.  Oh and salmon steamed with Spinach with lemon.  OH! And tonight I made spaghetti squash and combined it with a sauté of chicken breast, garlic, tomato and spinach with italian seasoning.  It was pretty good-I couldn't quite finish but that is a theme and I am happy to toss the leftovers (or put them in the pups bowls.)

I'm enjoying cooking again. I would love to have a slice of pizza so I am thinking about doing one of those cauliflower or zucchini crusts and topping with just sliced tomatoes and cheese.  I know it isn't the same, but I think it will still be satisfying.  :-)  I have my eye on my goals still so I'm not very tempted to veer off plan.  I'm also slightly afraid that I am being overly confident about all of this.  I just feel like I'm getting my health in a good place and I can't live in fear of making mistakes so I'm just enjoying playing with recipes and eating at my table. :-)

Transition!!

I've become a slacker blogger.  I've been extremely distracted looking for jobs and daydreaming of Southern California.  I really want to get back to sunshine and warm beaches!!  I have had 2 great interviews and zero offers.  I have a call to make for a local job that would be a completely new job for me on Monday before I miss out on that opportunity.  I have until Mid-March to get an offer or I'm just going to have to plan to stay put for another year (my lease will be up and I can't afford to pay the month to month rent on my terrible salary (in comparison to all the other nurses I know here.)

Anyway, if you are checking out this page you probably want to know about transition!!  Week one I chose to replace my evening soup with salmon and asparagus and chicken and peppers.  It was delicious!  I'm definitely full after the 3oz of protein and 2c of veggies.  I was nervous to take the first bite-I felt like one of my anorexic patients I used to take care of, but got over it.  I had to alter and switch to lunch 2 days because I had an inservice at work Tuesday evening and then class on the Wednesday night.  This week I am having 2 eggs + 2 cups of spinach that I baked in muffin tins for breakfast and I'm alternating between another chicken, tomato and pepper with basalmic baked meal and a tilapia and asparagus.  So far so good.  The eggs are sort of too filling.  The first day I couldn't finish them.  Yesterday I gagged on the last bite and had to spit it out, but today I finished them.  I'm still having the metamucil most days, but I imagine I will stop it next week when we add our third meal.  Oh!  We had a different facilitator this week who is an RD (I think) and she is now the lead educator and in charge of transition.  She made us a sample menu and I have so many new ideas for non meat options.  I want to try and just have meat for dinner mostly.  One thing she suggested is carrots with cinnamon and greek yogurt or cottage cheese.  MMMMMM....And we can add a tiny bit of oil-like 1/2-1tsp.  That's really plenty anyway.

I'm not getting quite as much exercise.  I guess I am still getting 30min, but I was getting closer to 40-60 for a while.  My last 2 weeks of full fast I only lost 1.5-2lbs per week, but last week (after my first week of food) I lost 4.6!  Yeah!  So my total as of last weeks was 50lbs!  I'm extremely happy with that.  I am going to Mexico on March 3-7 and I'm hoping to lose another 5-8lbs.  That's really just an arbitrary number, but it sounds good. :-)  I typically lose weight on vacation so we will see!!  As far as goals I have 26lbs to go before my first long term goal of being in the healthy BMI range.  After that I plan to just stay on 1200 calories/day until I'm at a comfortable weight-most likely 150-155.  That number keeps me comfortably in the healthy BMI range and I have always been comfortable in clothes at that weight.

Next week we have the option of ordering 2 products/day or 3 products/day so I have some thinking to do!  I think I want to continue to have a shake for my coffee in the AM and a shake for evening snack. I may just continue to do 3 shakes until Mexico.  For the trip I think I will just order powder packets for my am coffee and a bar for a snack at some point.  That will be my first real test I guess!

I was worried a bit about wanting to eat constantly once I started eating again, but that hasn't happened yet.  I'm still on about 1000 calories/day so maybe when that calorie amt goes up it will change a little.  This week I'm going to try and start jogging again.  I know it is key to maintenance and I really need to do more than 30min per day of cardio.  I also need to add strength training ASAP-which I have been saying for weeks.  I like exercise and feeling strong, but maybe I'm afraid I'll be disappointed in my efforts.  It may also have been harder to focus on the meal side of things if I had been working out a lot, who knows.  I'm glad I seem to be on track and feel great!!

4 More Days To Transition!!!

So my grand total on Thursday was 45.8lbs.  Whoop!  I lost 2lbs this week and 3 the week before.  I got lazy on the blogging because nothing too exciting or life changing has happened.  :-)

Well, potentially.  I had a job interview in San Diego that I would love, but I'm waiting for a response.  They send an email to references and have them fill out a short questionnaire which my references all did by Friday.  So they should have had it all by Tuesday  (it was MLK so no one worked Monday) so I would think they should have a decision, but I suppose who knows what is happening.  The trouble with nursing is that it is hard to get in to new places with all the unions even when you know people! I work in pediatrics and really being in the SF Bay Area and single can only afford to work for the bigger institutions.  The same issues exist in the south it seems.  Darn unions (yes, I know they do their job to protect workers, but I just want a foot in a door!)  I applied for even more jobs in the area here and under the advice of many people I even applied for jobs that are not in pediatrics!  We shall see.  I would still really love to go south if they will have me!

We got all of our transition information this week.  Basically my program adds in 3oz of lean protein and 2 cups of veggies every week for 3 weeks and then you are allowed to either stay on 3 Optifast products plus 3 meals of about 150-250 calories each (depending on your goals and weight loss, etc) forever if you want.  If you don't want product anymore you just aim for 1100-1200 cal/day until you reach your goal.  At the end we will do RMR testing with calorimetry to see what we need to eat to sustain ourselves.  I'm excited for that, because I have always been curious!  I think it will be a great tool to have in our packets.  They say if you have been overweight and loose a lot of weight that your RMR stays about 20% slower than a person of the same size and build who has never been overweight.  My question is does it matter how long you have been overweight?  Or how much you have to lose?  I feel like then every person who gains excess weight in a pregnancy and loses it will always deal with having to eat less or move more.  Science is crazy. :-)

At any rate I am ready to stop having soup for dinner.  They want us to pick one meal and essentially limit the choices as well. So I picked dinner and I plan to add in salmon and chicken (or possibly tofu-haven't quite decided that yet) and for veggies I'll buy asparagus and maybe peppers.  I also thought maybe I could just buy a big variety of veggies and just steam them all together at the beginning of the week.  So I guess I still have some planning to do before Thursday!  I do plan to stop at Sprouts on the way home from weight management class on Wednesday night so that I will have food ready at home Thursday evening!   I thought about cooking, but I think that will be too much after class so I will maybe chop some veggies and defrost my salmon overnight-basically prep so I can just steam my meal when I get home Thursday.  They also want us to do bland food.  I can see why, but I have been adding spices to my soups so we will see how long that lasts. :-)

All very exciting!

2 more weeks!!!

Sort of...I think I mentioned that I count the week "over" for this journey when it starts. :-)

Anyway I am halfway through Week 14 at this point.  Still ZERO cheats!  I am really proud of that.  However, I do agree that it is pointless to beat yourself up if you do cheat.  On the other hand I don't think it is OK to give yourself permission to cheat just because nothing bad happened this time.  First of all, as a nurse who has worked with patients at risk for referring syndrome I have seen electrolytes go nuts when you re-feed too fast.  It's not a good thing!  Also, the fact that nothing showed up on the scale this week doesn't mean that what you ate today won't show up next week!  I let myself get away with binging for too many (6) years because I would have a "bad day" and then I wouldn't have a gain on the scale so I allowed it to continue.  And then in 2 weeks I would be up another 2-3lbs and all those 2-3lbs added up to 100!  So, for me personally I need to remember that cheating is only cheating myself and that there is a reason I gained all this weight in the first place.  I will use that going forward into maintenance as well.  I was always a healthy weight and when I think back during those healthy years I would MAYBE once a month eat a little extra but in general I didn't overindulge.  I think one thing that helped me stay there is that I lived with a mother who was overweight and had several extended family members that were obese.  I never thought I would join them in those ranks.  Then, I became a travel nurse, worked crazy rotating shifts and was mostly surrounded by people of healthy weights.  Sounds silly, but I truly think that was part of it-I just stopped paying attention!  Of course, our facilitator has brought that up a few times-that people who are a healthy weight actually do think about what they are putting in their moths even though you don't hear them do it. :-)  Lessons learned, right??

So this week I weighed in at 200.8lbs!  So, that means this Thursday I will be under 200 for the first time since January 2008.  Thank goodness.  The last time I remember weighing myself besides right before I went to Boston.  I remember because I went to Seattle that Sept and weighed in at 198 and I remember telling someone that I was dangerously close to the next century of weight and that I was terrified of getting there.  I met the same people in Vegas that January and I was still the same weight.     So anyway, I am very excited to hit 197 and feel like I am losing the 35 or so pounds that I gained on night shift in San Diego. :-) Sometimes I think back to my time in San Diego and it makes me sad that I left when I did, but I am so glad I went home and spent the next year with my best friend as she was dealing with her cancer and later passed away.  It is frustrating though that when I left SD I was finally getting active again!  Ah well.  I'm finally get back there again!!

Today I did my C25K run.  It was week 8 day 1 and was a 27min run.  I was finally under a 15min pace for the run portion and I know it would have been slightly faster without the pups, but I'm not ready to leave them behind.  ;-) They enjoy it too much.  Plus Lucy still has weight to lose.  Ha!  And Lola just needs the exercise.  She is still crazy after our 40min (total with the warm up and cool down.)  I think I will be back in the 12min/mile range soon enough.  And that is probably where I will hang out forever. :-) If anyone is thinking of doing it, I just want to say that you can run at any weight!  Of course you should probably be walking first, but when I started this my run was a shuffle, literally.  It was not what anyone would ever consider a run, and actually it was probably slower than my walk.  BUT it uses different muscles and it def got my heart rate up higher.  If you do it right you aren't necessarily at risk for more injuries (all about form and not landing on a straight leg.)  I actually recommend wearing a chest strap HR monitor to force yourself to only go at a pace that isn't too much and to follow an interval program.  It has worked great for me this time.  And worked wonderfully for me in the 2001 when I first started running!

Ok, that's it!  Next 2 weeks of group are all about food and transition so they should be really interesting!

Happy New Year!!!

It's 2016!!!  I am officially a 40yr old.  I am not yet in my 40s though.  Haha...

I'll start with my last weigh in on 12/30-I was minus 1.6lbs for a grand total of 37.2lbs.  It is the lowest number I have had but I'm ok with it.  It is still a loss.  There are a few reasons it could be lower.  I switched fiber sources from Metamucil to Benefiber.  I had been doing 1tbsp of sugar free orange Metamucil every night.  When I ran out I went a few days with nothing and then decided to switch to Benefiber because it is "flavorless."  I do 2tsp three times/day.  Technically I think I am getting more fiber each day, but I feel like the Benefiber doesn't work as well.  I'm going to give the whole bottle a go though.  I also feel like my water intake probably went down and my runs went up a little so all of those things lead to my body is probably holding on to water and maybe I'm carrying around more solid waste...I'm a GI nurse, remember?  ;-)  So, long story short I am perfectly happy with my loss and am looking forward to the numbers the next 3 weeks will bring.  That is how long we have until transition.  Well, technically it's 3.5 weeks, but when the week starts I mark it off.  Call it my Pollyanna personality.  Ha!  I remember doing the same thing during school when I was a kid.

I feel like I should be terrified of transition.  I'm not.  I spent a large part of my life eating a fairly healthy diet or being a kid and eating next to nothing.  I have spent a much smaller period of my life overeating and not getting exercise.  I know that the habits I developed over the last 6 or so years will be hard to break, but I also hope that the old healthier habits I used to have will take over.  I have the benefit of lots of knowledge about what to eat and how to prepare it.  A lot of people do not have that going into transition.  One of the guys in my group is shocked at what a portion actually looks like.  I feel like I have a slight advantage.

I still haven't had a cheat and I don't plan to.  The people that have had cheats don't necessarily regret them, but they also say it wasn't a big deal and they got right back on plan.  I think I also have an advantage in that I live alone and I'm content to hang out alone or just go see movies or go on walks with friends.  I think that means I have less temptation.

I welcomed in the new year alone.  And in the past (for as long as I have been an adult) that has made me really sad.  This is the first year that I have not been sad about being single and childless over the holidays.  I also find myself enjoying my nights alone much more than I was.  I used to be sad that I was just sitting home alone when others were hanging out with their families or going out with friends.  It's more like I am choosing to be with myself and I am learning that I am a great person to hang out with.  Ha!  Just me and my pups.  NOT that I am a hermit!  Of course I love people, but I think it is really important to be able to enjoy your own company.  :-)  If you don't like to be around you then why would anyone else?  It will also give me the confidence to go out and meet new people.  I also received a rather obnoxious text from an ex.  He was pretty toxic (as was I) but we still send birthday messages or check in on each other every once in a while.  I was initially excited to see his text because it had been a while.  However the text came after I had received several calls from a number I didn't recognize (which turned out to be him.)  I don't answer calls I don't recognize.  I wasn't in a position to have a phone conversation so I let him know it wasn't a good time.  He responded by sending me a mean text saying that he would have thought I would be more "cosmopolitan or eccentric" by now and that I should just move to Oklahoma because I don't belong in California.  Sorry if anyone reading this is from the midwest, but he is from there as well and has the most insane hate for all things midwestern.  Anyway, I was shocked, but I simply replied that I'm sorry I was enjoying a NYE party and couldn't talk and that I wished him lots of love in 2016.  I don't intend to ever have any contact with him again.  In the past I would have gotten that text and it would have destroyed me.  This year I simply thought wow, he really doesn't know anything about me now and I will rise above this and I don't need someone like that in my life.  PS he is engaged and I am guessing they are fighting or on the verge of breaking up because that is his trend in contacting me.  So unhealthy!

Anyway, that text exchange and the fact that I actually enjoyed a holiday season alone and without any desire to binge when I got that text lead me to believe that I have done some great work on myself and that I may finally be finding my way out of the sadness I have experienced since my best friend passed away.  I used that as an excuse for so long and I think she would be happy to know that I am FINALLY doing the things that I love again.  I have even completed through week 7 of the C210K running app.  I am by no means fast, but that is ok!!  I know speed will come with time and I am feeling stronger with ever step I take-that sounds so cliche but it is true!  I have not been so optimistic going into a new year since I can remember (I think I already said that-BUT I MEAN IT!!)

Oh, I also found out who the nurse manager is for a job I applied to in San Diego.  The timing is horrible.  I would like to wait until May to start a new job but the job is right so we shall see!  I love Northern California and Southern equally, which is a sure sign I am not a native of either.  Ha!

Anyway, Happy New Year!!  May you meet all of your goals, but remember baby steps lead to long term success and help you avoid burn out!  If you have already been in the process of improving yourself then congrats and I know you will continue that momentum in 2016!!

Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas!

I stayed in California and FaceTimed with my family while they opened gifts.  :-)  I stuck to plan 100% and plan to continue through these last 4 weeks without a cheat!  Not much has changed.  I am not having any more issues with dizziness thank goodness.  We had the MD visit and labs this week and all was perfect!  I lost another 3.something.  So my total loss at the start of week 12 is 35.6lbs.  I'm really happy with that number. :-)  Technically I have been completed 10 weeks of full fast.  So I'm averaging 3.5lbs per week.  They say weeks 5-9 are the true predictors of ongoing loss and it looks like I lost about 3/wk during that time.  The last few weeks things have picked up.  I think I'm getting more steps in and more exercise minutes.  I'm getting at least 40min/day avg and about 6500 steps most days.  According to the MFP predictors I think I'll be just around 190 on transition week.  Yeah!  My short term goal is 164 which just puts me in the healthy weight range with no wiggle room.  My ultimate goal is to settle somewhere in the 150s.  But I'm also not trying to spend too much time thinking about where I'll end up right now.

I've been super emotional at work and I brought it up a little at group this week.  One lady blamed hormones, but I know I've been unhappy in this job for quite some time.  I know that it isn't the job I want to stay in for the next 20yrs and it's hard.  I have feelings of guilt about it and I suppose the way I have been dealing with it so far is by eating those feelings and burying them.  It's a huge relief to have told the doctors I work with and I hope that by doing so I can either make this job more fulfilling and interesting or I can move on.  I applied for a job in San Diego that may or may not be more interesting.  We shall see.  The best case scenario would be my current job becomes more interesting and I can stay put. :-)  We shall see what January brings!

I was going to write about something else, but it slipped my mind.  Ah well.  We briefly talked about transition again this week.  We confirmed it is measure out 2c of veggies and THEN cook.  Thank goodness!   I don't think I could have managed 2 cups of cooked veggies. :-)  I got my multi-cooker and it is unpacked and ready to be washed for my first meal.  I am intrigued by the programs where people do full fast until they reach goal.  I can't help but wonder if that is a good idea or a bad idea.  While it is certainly inspiring to see the scale go down quickly, I think it is also good to see the numbers go down while eating real food.  They did tell us that we could buy up to 3 products/day after week 20 (our last week of transition.)  I have a feeling I will be doing that.  I like having my shake at night and I think that it will help ease me back into things.  It's a much healthier night time snack then a bowl of ice cream and just as tasty (or that's how I remember it-ha!!)  Some people in group are talking about how bored they are, some are super excited for food, some have been through this before and assure us that it isn't all that exciting when we get food because it isn't much and I guess the rest of us are just hanging out. :-)  I am in that group for sure.  I am just trying to think of transition as more rule following.  I plan to mostly eat the same things every day to make it easy (or at least the few items every week.)  They say the people who are successful at losing weight and keeping it off log what they eat, monitor their weight, get 30-60min of exercise and pretty much eat the same foods all the time.  Eating other things will be saved for dinners out with friends.

Guess that's all I've got for tonight!

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!  Until next week (or until I need to write!)

End of Week 10!!

So only 6 weeks to go and (5 weekends) before transition!  It really feels like it has flown by!!  This week I am down another 3.6 for a grand total of 32.2lbs.  That's an average of 3lbs/week which is right on track. :-)

I am very happy with the weight loss.  I'm feeling stronger and more like I will be able to meet my goals and get back to a healthy weight and enjoy staying there.  I miss those days!  Of course back then I thought I was fat at 155 (and I'm 5'8") so I wonder if anyone is ever truly happy with where their weight is at.  I'm trying to think of it more as getting to a point where I can physically enjoy all the things I want to do and be comfortable doing them.

I have been stressed the last few weeks still about work.  I'm considering making a change.  I really love the vision I have in mind for how I want to function in ambulatory care, but when the director of your department and definitely not the practice administrator don't have that same vision it makes your vision seem impossible.  It really would take all of those people to change my role which is why it is so frustrating!!  I'm going to give it one more chat and if we can't make it work I think I'm going to go back to floor nursing while I finish my degree.  There is a day shift position with the satellite unit of one of the major children's hospitals here.  I am not crazy about the thought, but it is sort of a relief in a way too.  I just really wish I could make this job what I want, but that's just not the way healthcare works.  It makes me sad to think about it, but then I think about the pluses too: days off during the week, more money and feeling like a nurse again top the list.   We shall see!  I'm going to give it some thought the next couple of weeks before I actually apply (and talk to my current employers about whether they will ever be able to use me to my full scope of practice.)  One thing I noticed is that in the past I probably would have stopped for pizza or ordered pizza and drowned my feelings in too many slices, but instead I had a good frustrated cry (it's also TOM so that does NOT help).  The cry was cathartic and I'm hoping I'm thinking a little clearer.  The other benefit to the position is that it gets me into a great health care system so that I have priority for jobs when I graduate!  So I could get back into ambulatory or whatever and hopefully find something I really want.  I really want my next job to be my forever job.  Anyway, lots to think about and yeah me for not cheating!

On Rewards!
I have met 3 5lb goals so I bought myself a multi-cooker!  I know I can't use it for a while, but it will be ready when I eat.  This weekend I plan to get my apt cleaned up and find a spot for it on my counter top. :-) Our discussion this week was actually about rewards.  I am rewarded every time I do my run/walk with beautiful views, a clearer mind (why am I not running when I come home frustrated?), loads of energy and feelings of confidence.  I suppose those would fit into the physiological and psychological reward categories.  I'm thinking a monetary reward would be putting money for some of my other rewards in a jar for doing things like strength training or drinking water or eating at my table or eating at my table in silence. :-)  And non-monetary is apparently purchasing things (that doesn't make sense to me really, but I will take it.)  So all the things I have already put on my reward list are those. :-)  I don't remember the other types, but that's a good start. Ha!  Think I'll start with strength training goals this week.  I already have run/walk goals (I get to buy a song for my playlist with every week I complete of C25K).  I should probably come up with a goal for completing the first 8 weeks since that is the 5k part and maybe another for the 10k part, etc.  I guess I hadn't gotten very far on rewards.  Anyway, for now I'll say for every strength workout I get to put $5 in a jar for fun stuff!

That's all for tonight!  Best of luck wherever you are in your journey to whoever might be reading!

Laziness...

It's looking like the weather predictors are going to be right and it might actually be an El Nino winter.  I hope so!  We need the water in CA and I do love listening to the rain!  Unfortunately, I seem to be using a couple hours of rain as an excuse to not get outside and do my run/walk.  Technically I am on week 5 day 3, but it has taken me about 7 weeks to get there.  It all started with the little tweak in my back and continued with rain excuses.  So I've only been doing 2 run/walks per week.  I wish I was more disappointed, but I'm just happy to be doing something.  I'm still getting at least 30min of exercise in daily so that's the most important thing!  Another excuse I keep using is that the dogs are a pain in my butt out there.  But they need their exercise too and I don't know that it is a good idea for me to do too much while I'm on such a low calorie diet.  I do get dizzy and even more hungry when I have more than exercise.  What I suppose I should do is take the dogs out for my warm up, bring them back in and head out for my run/walk and then give them a longer walk in the evening.  Or vice versa-do their longer walk in the am and my run/walk in the evening.  It's only 30min 3 times a week after all!!  So silly!  So that's why I think it is just laziness.  :-)

I am starting to feel a little like it is my last semester in the school year again.  You know that point?  Where it's so close you can taste it, but not quite close enough? I have been at it for 122 days according to My Fitness Pal.  It gave me the 120 day streak 2 days ago, so that's probably an estimate.  :-) I have 45 days left until I start the 4 week transition.  Putting it like that makes it look like I am well on my way to transition.  Yeah!  Just over a month.  Less than a travel nurse assignment.  Phew...I have bought a couple new spices and will try out some new recipes the next few weeks.  That ought to keep me going.  I finally bought whole bean coffee so that I can use my grinder and french press.  I didn't quite make grind enough beans.  I'll have to work on that.  I used the calculations on the kettle and the grinder, but then realized that I don't really know if the kettle thinks of a cup as 6oz or 8oz or 5oz or any of the other ways cups of coffee and tea are measured.  Ah well, tomorrow I will use more beans (or less water).

I've also started researching kitchen equipment to buy.  I had made a list of rewards several weeks ago and haven't bought any yet.  I could have bought 2.  One of the things I'm rethinking is the steamer.  I think I might combine several rewards and get a fancy counter top multi-cooker or electric steamer.  The kitchen aid looks really nice, but it's pricy.  There are cheaper options, but since it's a reward I want the best.  I think the 200lb mark I will get that reward.  That way I will have it for transition week!!  The other reward that I haven't bought yet but really want to before transition is cute bowls and plates.  The only thing I was thinking on the plates is they can wait because I do have those smaller ones, so they aren't needed for transition.  SO, I think the other thing I will get before then is my cute smaller bowls.  I might even just buy one here and there and have a cute little collection of mismatch bowls.  The other thing I really want to buy is a spiralizer.  I could get the fancy Inspiralized one, but there are cheaper options that work as well too.  That can be a later goal as I know they really just want us having steamed veggies when we enter transition.  I really think I will get good use out of the multi cooker.  Esp since you can do grains, veggies and meat all at once.  We can't have grains for a while, but eventually.  I feel like I could have everything prepped the day before and even in the steamer dishes and then just throw it in when I get home from work, turn on the steamer take the pups out for 15-20min and then come home and eat.  See?  I have it all planned.   That's the key to success right?  I'm going a little crazy reading all these healthy recipes.  I should start pinning them for the future.

Other than starting to feel slightly bored, I am doing well.  I have cut back on the fluids and I plan to really add up my fluids for the day and not just water.  I think that cutting back a little has helped with the dizziness.  It has been better for sure.  I'll keep it up and we will see.

On a non-diet topic...I can't remember if I mentioned I took out the personal loan to pay off my credit cards.  I will be sticking to a very strict cash budget for the next 18mo which will hopefully continue after so that the money I was paying for the debt can be saved for a down payment on a condo in about 6-7 years.  I could save 100000 by then which is just enough of a down payment in the bay area!  That's almost an entire house or a 50% down payment in Kansas City!  So crazy!  It would actually be a decent down payment in SoCal as well if I'm ready to make that move by then.  I will be only 15 years from retirement by then after all!

Yikes!!  One day at a time....geez...

Week 10 and Dizziness!

I feel like I have been really lucky so far.  I haven't had issues with the supplements, I haven't lost any hair, I haven't suffered headaches (other than a couple times I didn't drink enough fluids) and my hunger has been controlled by my plan to have a glass of water and wait and then have my product if I am still hungry.  I would say I get hungry every 2hrs or 2.5 depending on my fitness that day.  I think it's best to start that habit now so that I keep that habit when I move to real food (in 7 weeks!!)

So that brings me to why I am posting about dizziness...I have been dizzy since Monday.  At first I attributed it to too much coffee on Monday, but it seems the reality is more like too many fluids.  We were instructed to consume 64oz of fluid in addition to the fluids we get from the products.  This would mean that if I do 5 liquid products/day I'm getting about 104oz of fluids plus a couple here and there for some other fluids I don't count (like the 8oz I use for the metamucil or the 4oz I mix up for my coffee shakes since I add it to 8oz of coffee).  Anyway, I emailed the MD today and the response I got was to go back to 3 shakes, 2 bars and 1 soup.  I did that until last Thursday.  Basically, if I'm getting too many fluids, my sodium is probably a little low although my labs are ok.  So I'm gonna try it.  And since I don't have enough bars this week to really test it I will just eliminate a glass of water.

On to more exciting news...I am down 28.6lbs.  I am quite happy with that.  And I'm still on track to be halfway to my ultimate goal by the time I transition to food.  I am not as nervous about transition as I think I should be.  I think one of the reasons is that I'm really good at counting calories.  What I am not good at is eating consistently throughout the day so that I'm not starving by the time I leave work.  So that will be a big goal for me.  I have never really been more than 20lbs overweight before and that was only twice, the pounds came off fast and although I gained it back I also lost it right away again.  The times I gained it back were times in my life that I went through some depressing things.  So my other big goal will be to not use food as comfort!  I will have to be motivated to go out and run with the dogs instead.  :-)

We very briefly talked about transition in class this week.  Someone asked so our facilitator told us.  She says the first week will be 3oz of protein and 2cups of cooked vegetables...That is a ton of cooked veggies!  From what I had read online it was like 1/2cup.  I'm a little worried about the volume.  Especially because it is supposed to be steamed.  I'm hoping they will tell us steamed, but that we can add no calorie seasonings even if we can't add oil.  2 cups of asparagus seems like a lot.  :-) I might become the queen of cauliflower mash.  Ha!

One of the guys in our class mentioned not seeing himself as smaller.  In a way I wish I was having that issue now!  I seem to see myself as smaller than I really am.  :-) One tip for him was to draw the outline of your body on a piece of paper and then have someone trace you and see the difference.  I've always thought that is an interesting task, but I think not needed for me at this point.  Another suggestion was that he go buy clothes that fit!  And I suggested he look at his face in pictures.

Someone cheated this week.  She had lima beans and a cookie.  Another lady cheated with a taco.  At least she did it right. :-)  I don't plan to cheat at all!  I feel like I would just regret it if I don't follow the plan to a "T."  In my head I would always wonder what would have happened if I hadn't and think maybe I would have lost more weight.  I already regret not getting 10000 steps per day every day!  I think I am getting close to 9000 most days now.  I guess I should look at that closer next week!  I am doing about 2 days of run/walk the last 2 weeks.  The reason for this week was the dizziness.  Last week was laziness.  But at least I still walked.  :-)

Guess that's all I've got for tonight!

Halfway there!!!

And by halfway I just mean halfway through with the full fast or "active weight loss" phase.  Yeah!!  It feels good to be there!

So here is a summary:
Optifast products:  6 per day...I typically have 4 shakes, 1 bar and 1 soup
Cheats:  ZERO!!!!!!!
Water:  at least 64oz per day, often times 72oz plus the fluid from the shakes.  :-)
Weight at start:  241.6
Todays weight:  215.8
Total weight lost: 25.8lbs
3.7lbs/week
Weeks of product:  7

I'm somewhat surprised that I'm averaging 3.7lbs/week.  I thought I would stay closer to the 2-3lb range.  I do know that I lost more the first week so it ups the average, but I guess I thought it would even out by then.  :-)  Yeah!

I took the dogs on a walk this morning.  I can't seem to make myself run/walk on Thursdays.  I just don't get enough sleep because I need a couple hours to wind down at night and I don't think I get it when I don't get home til 8.  Ah well.  As long as I walk!  I also parked at the free lot for the hospital that is about a 10min walk away.  Doing both of those things brought me very close to 10000 steps per day so I think I'll keep that up.

I still feel like I should be more nervous to either go back to food or maintain, but I'm really just focusing on getting the job done! I've lost weight counting calories before so I'm not too worried about that part especially since I think I will have momentum going into it.  As far as maintenance goes, I'll see when I get there!

A running coach came to talk to us last night.  I've seen his car around town and I've been curious.  During the maintenance phase Kaiser has lifestyle courses.  One is going to be a running group.  I have a feeling I'll be joining that one.

Other than that not much is going on.  I suppose that's a good thing!!

Any new blogs out there??

When I was looking into this program I was on a hunt for blogs, specifically success stories.  I read the ones that I could find, but I'm finding that this blog doesn't even show up on searches.  Does anyone know how to search in a better way?? Or maybe there really aren't new blogs?  I think what is hard about the old ones is that many stop at some point after the blogger enters maintenance and then starts gaining weight.  I'm sure it would be hard to continue to blog at that point.   I hope I succeed and a year after maintenance I start blogging about all of the benefits to losing the weight and keeping it off!  Or something similar!

If anyone out there is reading this and has found any other newer blogs that appear inspiring let me know!

After Wednesday I will be halfway through full fast!!  If I go buy my current weight I am in the upper 210s and will hopefully cross below 215 in a week and a half or so!  I know I shouldn't set deadlines for weight loss goals, but I'm thinking of it more like a prediction.  :-)  I'm really hoping to have lost half of the weight by end of phase 1!  If I can dip below 200 before transition starts I will be super happy.  I remember a few years ago after I left my travel nurse assignment in San Diego I went to Seattle with some of my nurse friends from SD and I told one of them that I was horrified that my weight had ballooned up to almost a new "century." That number was 190-something.  I remember being devastated and miserable.  I thought my weight would never get that high.  Previously when I had thought I was "fat" my weight was around 165-175 which really isn't too far into the overweight range for my height of 5'8".  I never thought I would enter the obese category.  I feel like I have lost the last 5 or so years of my life being at this weight because it has held me back from doing things I enjoy and meeting new people in the cities I traveled to.  Even here it has kept me from going out and enjoying what I want to!  There is so much to love about the bay area and I need to get out and explore more!  Anyway, I didn't come here to write about any of that.  And I can't think about what I haven't done, but I can focus on taking this 1 day at a time and think about all of the physical things I want to do when I meet my goals!  I even took my bike out the other day (to ride to the movies) and I was so much more comfortable on it then 20lbs ago.  I'm still a chicken and afraid to fall, but feeling lighter definitely helped!!

Signing off...keep up the hard work and let me know if you know of any blogs for people starting out on this journey or recently transitioned and successfully maintaining!!

Angie

Thanksgiving....

Happy Thanksgiving!  I feel like a cheater...BUT it's not from food.  It's because I'm choosing to spend the day alone.  I didn't want to fly back home to KS mostly because I have a teenage niece and I don't think it's appropriate to share a diet like this with her.  I might get some backlash for that but here is why:  I grew up with an obese mother.  I have memories of her dieting as I was growing up-I could be imagining it but I vaguely remember things like grapefruit, cabbage and some paperwork so I know I was aware of her doing this as a child.  All the time I was growing up I was very thin (as in kids made fun of me for being really skinny-and I know some people who might read this might think oh, what a horrible problem, but really everyone has their own struggles and we shouldn't judge).  Anyway, I digress.  I was really thin and an extremely picky eater.  I for sure had some sensory issues with textures and my mom tells me once she force fed me spaghetti (that I don't remember, but I must deep down because I didn't eat spaghetti happily until I became an adult).  It wasn't until I got to college that I started really gaining weight.  Even then I was always in a healthy weight range, but thought I was overweight.  I think many of those issues go back to watching my mom struggle.  I remember telling her once when we were camping that I was always going to walk around with my stomach sucked in.  These aren't healthy thoughts and I don't think any kid should ever have to think about dieting.  They should be given healthy servings of whole foods.  We really shouldn't keep junk in the house and processed food shouldn't be their staples.  Unfortunately I work in a pediatric gastroenterology clinic where we are forced to have a fatty liver clinic and it appalls me that this clinic is even necessary!  I'm rambling again.  My point here is this, my niece is also thin and very tall.  Her friends are shorter and weigh in the 100lb range which is appropriate for their height.  She is around 135 and is 5'7" so well within a healthy range for her height.  Somehow she already thinks that she needs to be 100lbs.  She also came home from health class one day saying that she was told she's only supposed to have 500calories/day.  Clearly she misunderstood.  So we have a beautiful 13yr old kid who is already having body issues and has been surrounded by her mother and my mother who are constantly talking about food and dieting.  Most of the time she knew me when I lived there I was a healthy weight, but half her life I have been obese.  When I see her again I want her to see me making healthy choices so that she will continue to make healthy choices and not think she needs to ever do a rapid weight loss plan.  I just don't want her to focus.  If my other sister and I are her only 2 positive food influences that's ok as long as she has 2!  My plan is to go back in March for my nephews' birthdays and be very close to a healthy weight and enjoy my time with them without the stress of the holidays.

My friends here that are like my second family sometimes have people over, but I explained to them a long time ago that I wouldn't be spending it with them this year.  They will survive and are going to dinner at a lodge near the ocean with their other second family.  :-) I feel like I'm supposed to feel sad to miss out and not be eating, etc but I don't.  I'm losing weight and feeling stronger.  I know that it is only 1 Thanksgiving and 1 Christmas.  I know that in the future I will be able to enjoy making healthy choices at holiday dinners and have more fun with the kids.  SO there it is.  My cheat is avoiding the holidays.  :-)  Christmas movies and a walk with my dogs is on the schedule for today.  Maybe I will venture out to a movie in the theater, but right now I'm pretty comfy in my pajamas.  :-)

Weight update!
I have finished week 7 of the program (6 weeks of full fast).  I have not cheated one time.  I have slacked on water drinking a couple of times and when that happens I get headaches so I'm trying to make it a priority.  TOM is this week so I was slightly worried about what I would lose, but not because I knew if it was a small loss I would make up for it the following week.  Gotta love being a woman.  Plus they say everyone plateaus at a some point.
The verdict is...
This weeks weight loss 2.8lbs
Total weight loss 23.4lbs

So I'm right on track still to lose 2-3lbs/week which is my personal hope/goal.  I've been walking the dogs 30min per day minimum.  I've been moving more at work.  I've been doing my run/walk.  I did get behind so I'm on week 4.  Call it laziness, but I knew I would be off 4 days so I thought I would save the last 2 days for this long weekend rather than do it with the dogs.  They make it hard!  Too much pulling in other directions, etc.

I wish I could say I have a magic formula for the shakes, bars, soups, but it is what it is.  I'm good until people say "oh I could never do that" or "oh that must be so hard."  Then, I start to doubt myself that I can finish, but I can't continue to let other people influence what I think I can do!!  So I shut down those voices with I already completed 7 weeks, I'm almost halfway through and now I'm on the downhill.  One thing that is good is that I will be moving into continued weight loss with transition so it should keep me interested and will probably come at a time when I will finally be bored.

We just started bringing up transition a little last week.  I think some of the things I'm going to try now will help me.  For example, my goal is to eat at my table 3 nights this week starting tonight!  That should help me with mindful eating.  I think it's ok to text while I eat just because a lot of people would be having dinner with their family then and be talking so how is texting different.  I'm not sure I am ready to turn off the TV.  So for now it is just sit at the table, take my time (15-20min) and feel what it feels like.  I think I've been sort of practicing that now.  I have been trying to pay attention to every single bite.  OH!  Also, I have passed the 220 mark so I get my first reward!  I decided that the first thing I'm going to buy is cute small bowls!  I can use them in my eating soup at the table plan and hopefully it will keep me interested.  :-) I plan to go to our cute shopping street here and go to this little boutique store I really like!  I think that's all I have to say today!

Week 7 Weigh-in

I feel like I should be writing about more than weights, but that's sort of what I'm focused on right now!  So here it is...6 weeks of the program complete, 5 week full fast and my grand total is 20.6lbs!  I'm considering it 5 weeks of weight loss since I didn't make any changes week 1.  That's just over 4lbs/week!  Wahoo!!!!  That means I am 1/4 of the way to goal.  I'm hoping next week I leave the 220s behind.  Just a couple more pounds and I will be back to the weight I was at when I went to Europe (and came back) a couple years ago.  So I'm happy about that.  Next goal is to get back to my "leaving San Diego" weight.  :-)

One of my friends I work with keeps making comments about weight loss which I think she bases on her own personal experience.  She has never been overweight (although she claims to have gained 40lbs with her last pregnancy.  I think what people who just think they weigh too much don't really grasp what it means to really be for real overweight.  They also don't understand that when you weigh more you just lose weight faster.  I shouldn't have been annoyed at her comment.  After she made the comment that was basically that I wouldn't be able to lose 1-2lbs/week after the fast part of this is over she kept going on and on about how as we get older we don't lose weight as quickly, blah, blah, blah....this may be true, but when you take someone who has a lot of weight to lose they actually lose weight faster for a while.  Of course everyone has plateaus, etc.  I just think those sorts of comments are completely unnecessary.  I don't have unrealistic goals.  1-2lbs/week is considered a nice healthy pace at which to lose weight.  Grrrrr....ah well...I'm letting it go.  I had lost a couple pounds earlier this year and she made another comment like that and I totally stopped counting calories because I felt so discourage.  So the lesson is don't listen to her and don't engage in conversations with her about it!

I keep thinking I will do work the Beck Diet Solution, but I also keep putting it off.  I feel like it will make more since when I eat food.  But I also know that it focuses a lot on behaviors.  Maybe I should look at what the days entail and see what seems like a good time to start in relation to when I will be transitioning to real food.

Not much else is happening.  I had a little setback on my run/walk.  I didn't drink enough water and had headaches for a couple days at the end of last week.  Then on Saturday I pulled something in my back.  So I got back on it on Tuesday and have only done 1 day this week, but it's Thursday so I can do tomorrow and then a day on the weekend.  I have done my stretch video twice which is pretty good. Oh, I got into grad school...Can't remember if I posted that.  Yeah!!

I suppose that's all for now! I think it might be a good idea to blog more frequently...I always think journaling is cathartic.

PS for the time being I'm considering my week to be Thurs-Wed.  That may or may not change once my 30 weeks is up!

My Personal Start of Week 6 Official Weigh In...

Yesterday (Thursday) morning I had my own official first thing in the morning naked weigh in.  I've mentioned before it is the only one I count.

And I'm down another 3lbs for a grand total of 16.4lbs after 4 full weeks of Optifast 800 shakes, bars and soups.  Reminder, Kaiser Northern California is 6 products/day.  I don't know why or different centers decide how many products they start people on, but alas, that is what it is here.  :-)  I think it is just right.  Most likely my goal will be to eat 4-5 times/day so I like that the shakes are spread out in approximately those intervals.  I consider my morning shake just my coffee for the morning and then think of the other 5 items as snacks and meals.

I decided to stay home from work today.  I haven't talked about it much here, but I am a pediatric nurse working in an ambulatory care clinic and lately I have been working hard on some projects.  I have also been feeling like our group doesn't really appreciate the role nurses can have in ambulatory care-we are a super Nurse Practitioner heavy clinic.  In my old like I would have loved that because the NPs I worked with had been nurses and we really had a very collaborative approach.  I think that maybe that relationship is going downhill a bit because of the advent of MEPN programs.  For those who are curious, this is an accelerated program for individuals with a bachelors degree in something other than nurses who want to become nurse practitioners.  The problem with these programs is that its very short and people with sometimes absolutely NO healthcare experience come out feeling like they can take care of patients they really don't have the clinical experience to care for (or just health care experience in general).  Anyway, I've recently heard some of them say things like "don't they see the initials behind my name?" or "I'm not just a nurse."  This has me really thinking about whether I am truly a valued member of the team and whether or not it is time for me to move on.  So-mental health day!!!

So anyway, rant over...

Maybe because of the work situation (PS I adore my coworkers as people) I was having a poor me, I will never lose 70-80lbs moment.  And a why did I let myself go this far moment...you know sabotaging thoughts, etc.  So rather than cheat or sneak some food I did a couple of things.  The first was take the pups to the park.  While there I turned those thoughts into, of course you will become healthy and it is going to take some time, but you have spent 6-7years getting to this point and you will recover faster.  The 3rd thing I did was look for inspirational charts, etc that would help me look at each milestone or victory.

I created 2 things today.  The first is a chart where I can cross of the pounds and it has a list of my rewards (things to help me eat healthy later).  Someone on a site I posted it felt the need to correct my spelling, but rather than feel bad or defensive I laughed at myself and replied that of course I wrote bowel instead of bowl-I'm a GI nurse!  :-)  And I also made a mental note to myself not to correct someone's obviously mistaken typo.  The other thing I created was an excel spreadsheet that I can look at every week and watch my percentage of weight loss go up every week as the pounds go down.  I'll attempt to post them here, but as I'm new to this blog thing I can't make any promises.  :-)

Weight Loss % Chart

Reward Chart...I should have taken a pic of the marked off one but I went ahead and crossed off 225 since that is where I am now!!

Optifast concoctions...

I hesitate to call them recipes and I'm not exactly gourmet, but I always wondered what people added and if it was ok per the plan so here are some of my favorites.  Note that my plan is full fast so I can't add veggies, etc like some.  Kaiser also limits our caffeine intake to 2 8oz glasses/day.  I didn't realize that orange soda and creme soda have caffeine so I slipped on that one a few time!  Now I have a coffee in the am and if I have another coffee later I won't have the orange or creme soda.  I  also am NOT a fan of fake sugars, but I haven't had any side effects so for the program I'm allowing them just to add variety and prevent flavor fatigue.

Hot Drinks*
Vanilla with pumpkin pie spice (or SF Pumpkin Pie Torani syrup)
Vanilla with SF Belgian Cookie Torani
Vanilla with Cinnamon

Chocolate with any SF Torani Syrup-so far I have tried: Almond Rocha, Salted Caramel, Belgian Cookie, Peanut Butter, S'Mores
Chocolate with peppermint extract

Coffee with either chocolate or vanilla Optifast
I cold brew coffee and have the concentrate for a few days.  I've been doing 1/3c grounds with 3 cups water, stir and let sit out over night then pour through a filter the next day.  Once I'm out of my already ground beans I plan to buy good whole beans and use my  french press so it will be a little simpler.  :-)
After adding the shakes I put it all in the micro for about 45sec-1min depending on how how you like things.  Note I have tried to mix the shakes with hot water but it just doesn't mix as well.
Coffee + Choc + any of the above SF Torani syrups
Coffee + Vanilla + SF Belgian Cookie
Coffee + Vanilla + Almond Rocha
Coffee + Vanilla + Cinnamon

Soups**
Chicken + Fiesta Lime No Salt added Mrs. Dash
Chicken + Garlic Pepper No Salt added Mrs. Dash
Chicken + Lemon Pepper Lowry's
Chicken + Sriracha

Tomato + Cayenne
Tomato + Garlic and Pepper No Salt added Mrs. Dash
Tomato + Chipotle Southwest No Salt added Mrs. Dash
Tomato + Sriracha

Cold Drinks***
Vanilla + Diet Root Beer + ice
Vanilla + Diet Creme Soda (note buy caffeine free or count in your daily caffeine intake!) + ice
Vanilla + Diet Orange Soda (note buy caffeine free or count in your daily caffeine intake!) + Ice
Vanilla + Pumpkin Pie Spice + ice

Chocolate + SF Peanut Butter Torani syrup + ice
Chocolate + Peppemint extract

Strawberry + Diet Orange Soda (note buy caffeine free or count in your daily caffeine intake!)
Strawberry + Diet Creme Soda (note buy caffeine free or count in your daily caffeine intake!)
Strawberry + Almond extract
My next plan is to add basil to the strawberry

*I always mix the shakes with cold water and then warm it all in the micro or use ready made and warm it all in the micro

**Again I mix in the blender bottle or Ninja with cold water otherwise I have gotten sprayed or it clumps

***I'm not sure why I *** this.  hahahah

I like all the bars. The peppermint, cinnamon and peanut are quite good if you warm them 15-20sec in the microwave.  You could even eat the peppermint with a fork if you warm it-actually you have to because it is too gooey!  The berry is my least favorite, but I keep it for variety.

The only shake I really don't like is the READY MADE strawberry.  And to drink alone I prefer the powders to the ready made.  The ready made is not milk based so I think that has something to do with it.  I believe it is soy.  It works well in my coffee, but otherwise I stick to powders-bonus they are cheaper!

My program recommends daily fiber so I drink 1 8oz glass of SF orange Metamucil daily.  I realized not long after I bought it that I should have just bought Benefiber and added it to one of my shakes.  Whoops!  Ah well it gets me another 8oz of water and I just chug it.  It's 112 servings, so it will last most of the active weight loss phase.  :-)  As a GI nurse this is obviously important to me.  Our program does not allow for any other options (you don't have to buy the brands-you could just buy psyllium) and since it is medically monitored and they have proven success I am sticking to plan 100%.

Having a boring day...

I need to figure out what that means to me.  I walked with a friend (just a short 40 or so minutes) and went to see the new James Bond movie Spectre.  I don't know why I feel a little blah today.  I guess I'm tired of not doing much besides watch TV and walk with my dogs.  They are cute and adorable of course, but it isn't a very full life!  I need to figure out how to stay interested.  I'm not really sure what the right word is...Anyway I suppose in January when school starts I will be plenty busy!

I could also be reading or coloring or folding the laundry I just washed so I guess bored might not really be the right word.  Discontent?  Hmmmmm....

The movie was fine.  A little part of me missed being able to get lunch or brunch after or before.  Those are the sorts of things that I think are going to be tough.  I'm going to see a musical in a few weeks and that will be a similar thing.  Ah well, I just remind myself it isn't forever.  It's just 11 more weeks after all!  And I'm hoping that by that time I will be more than halfway to my goal.  I've also been wondering when we talk about goal and transition.  I want to learn about how to eat and measure portions.  I know I will need to buy a scale and some other things.  I don't like waiting to find things out so I guess this is a good lesson in patience.  :-)

I was trying to think of a reward system for sticking to this.  I don't really know how the program feels about rewards.  We haven't talked about it at all so I don't know if it is frowned upon.  Anyway, I want to "reward" myself with some things for cooking and to make eating at my dining room table more enjoyable.  Some things on the list are:  a spiralizer, small bowls and plates, table decor and a cookbook holder.  Maybe a pitcher and some things to hold spoons and hot dishes.  It almost seems silly since I live alone, but eating at the table is an important habit.  I'm also going to pick out a playlist to reward myself for doing the C25K week 1!  I will finish week 2 tomorrow.  So I think I will pick tomorrows play list tonight and then find another one for tomorrow.  Or maybe just add a song for every week I complete it.  That might be more fun.  :-)

I feel strangely better for blogging (even if I am the only one who reads this) so yeah me!  Think I will go fold that laundry.  :-)

Week 5 weigh in...

I don't think I've been writing the weeks right or it's confusing or I don't know...:-)  Anyway, I started the 5th week of the Kaiser Healthy Weight Management Program last night.  So it was technically my 5th weigh in.  I've completed 3 weeks of product (remember week 1 is no product) and I'm feeling great!  I'm sort of shocked by how good I feel and I don't know if it is because I'm finally on the path to losing the weight I've been carrying for the last 5 years or that I'm walking more than I have in months or that I'm in ketosis and slightly high all the time.  Whatever it is I will take it!!

Everyone says the products become routine and they are right.  I essentially have them at the same time every day.  I don't set a timer or anything like that because I really want to listen to my body.  I think that's a skill I need to have for the future.  Much of my overeating was due to eating when I wasn't hungry or waiting until I was starving and then overeating at night.  SO, my goal is to eat regularly but listen to my body and have a glass of water at my first sign of hunger and then wait 20min or so and if I feel hungry again then I will eat.  This is making my products be about every 2-3 hours which is what is recommended by the plan-and I guess it's that way for a reason.  I bought some Torani syrups that I am adding to the shakes still.  They are all good.  I'm thinking the 2 bars and 1 soup plus 3 shakes will be a good plan for me for the duration.  I like being able to chew and it is sort of like having 3 "meals" and the shakes are like snacks.  I imagine in the future I will continue to eat 5-6 times/day whether it is 3 regular meals and 2-3 small snacks or something similar.  I know it's too early to really think about the future, but what better time?

I am still reading the Beck Diet Solution with the intent that I will just read it now and then start it again the week or so before transition.  I think that cognitive behavioral therapy techniques are great skills to have for anything in life.  Who knows, maybe I will use them to help with other fears, etc.

I've also been doing the C25K running app.  I want to go back to running (slow jogging) a few 5Ks/yr and maybe a couple longer runs.  It's going well.  I have been waking up at 6 without any problems.  I'm turning off my screens at 9 and reading for an hour or so (usually less because I'm tired!)  I'm feeling rested and ready to workout most mornings.  This morning was harder, but I haven't been drinking as much water (2L instead of 80oz) and I wonder if that's why.  It was also Wednesday and I think I don't get as much rest on Wednesdays because of class and I'm anxious to see what my "official" Thursday morning weight is.

Speaking of weigh in!  I lost 2.2lbs this week.  This brings my total to 13.4lbs in the 3 weeks I've been on product.  I'm more than happy with that.  I also imagine that I will level out now at 2-3lbs/week.

We are supposed to start increasing our activity so I'm aiming for about 8000 steps/day this week.  Today I'm falling way short, but I sat at my desk a lot.  Tomorrow should be better.  It's dark when I get home but I need to just get over that and get the dogs our for a 30min walk.  The program doesn't recommend more than 30-60min of exercise based on our intake right now.  I also plan to add in strength training starting next week.  It will help me in so many ways-building muscle of course aids in weight loss because muscle burns more calories than fat plus it will help prevent injuries and strengthen the muscles around my joints.

That's about all I have for tonight!

Week 2 weigh-in

Minus about 7.8 total on the clinic scale (I'm not 100% sure about the weekly loss since it is a different scale.  On MY all important scale I am down 11.4, 3.2 from this past week.  I'm happy with that.  Its that time of the month every woman retains water and maybe doesn't lose weight, so I'm especially happy that this time I did!  I am not drinking quite enough water I think.  However, I'm drinking at least 80oz/day so I'm not sure how that's possible.  Anyway, today I have a little headache and I had this weird moment of nausea, but it passed.  I switched to 3 shakes, 2 bars and 1 soup this week and next.  I just thought it would be easier at work.  We shall see!

As for activity, I restarted the C25K app and I'm on week 1 day 2.  It's going fine.  I was a little worried I wouldn't have the energy, but it worked out great.  I had a shake first (630!) and the did the run/walk.  I will say that since I started eating so early, I was extra hungry by 6.  I will have to play with the timing.  I think my headache might be related to not enough water  because of the exercise.  I also need to remember to drink a whole 8oz with my midday bar since I will be missing the fluids from the shake.  I also didn't sleep great last night-I had coffee around 3 and it may have kept me up.  Lesson learned (again).

I wanted to take a minute to talk about motivators and goals.  Our homework for this week is to list 3 motivators and then 3 goals to move more (1 short term, 1 medium and 1 long term) so I've been thinking about that.  One of my motivators is to be able to enjoy outdoor activities without being miserable (hot, out of breath, etc).  Another includes shopping for cute clothes.  :-)  I'm having difficulty with the 3rd because I am not in poor health (yet) and that seems like it would be the next important so maybe it's to maintain my health.  For the goals:  1. complete the weekly C25K program (it's 8 weeks so that's 8 weeks worth of short term goals) 2. Run a 5k in February 3. complete a 10k next fall (1yr).  In reality I want to do the Nike women's half and actually enjoy it next year.  But that will be a run/walk so that's why I'm choosing the 10k.

We are also supposed to read a chapter from the book Living Smart Five Essential Skills to Change Your Health Habits Forever.  I'm also currently reading The Beck Diet Solution.  I'm finding it really interesting and I'm excited to change my thinking around food.  I feel like most of my eating occurs when I am alone.  I never finish my entire meal at a restaurant, but if I order a pizza, it's gone in 2-3 days.  The most overeating always occurs when I haven't eaten or had enough to drink throughout the day so I'm starving on the way home so I stop for fast food.  I also stop for cokes and sweet teas.  Those calories really add up!  And I know that.  One of the keys for me in maintenance is going to be drinking water.  When I'm not thirsty I don't want sweet tea or soda!

I'm trying to work on other healthy habits as well.  I looked at my average steps/day for last month and they were 6200.  Our facilitator challenged us to increase them by 500/day/wk until we reach 10000.  Already this week I'm getting closer to 7000 so I don't think it will be long til I'm reaching that goal.  I am also making sure the dogs get at least one 30min walk.  If I increase to 2 I will probably be at the 10000 steps/day.  Another thing that I think is key to well being is sleep!  I truly believe the blue light from screens interfere with sleep so I've been turning off my computer, phone, TV, etc by 9pm and just going to bed to read on my nook (which is the one with e-ink so no backlight).  I'm sleeping so much better!!

So that's it, that's where I'm at!  Sleeping more, walking more and in general I'm just happier.  And 11.4lbs lighter!

The Day After...

My first night out...;-)

Yesterday was a pretty busy day for me.  It started out with getting my grays covered (premature gray thanks to my mom's side of the family).  I had to get up about 7 on my day off, which I know isn't early in most worlds, but I like to get up slowly on weekends.  I was tempted to tell my stylist about this journey.  Mostly because I wanted to warn her about hair loss, but a little part of me is hoping that since I won't be fasting as long as some of the other blogs I have read and I'm not doing the Optifast HP program (which is even less than my 960 calories) I won't have the hair loss issues.  Wow, how is that for a run on sentence?  ;-)  Remember I am a nurse not a writer!  Anyway, I didn't and I sort of hope I don't have to.  I am telling all of my friends and coworkers and that seems to be enough people for now.  I've also told one sister, but I should probably tell my mom and my other sister.

Anyway, I got a little off track!  One of my good friends owns a bed and breakfast near my hair appt and we had plans for the evening so I headed over there with my pups to hang out.  I was mostly fine, but she did eat smoked salmon on a bagel in front of me and another friend that was their had toast with butter.  I was a little jealous, but I need to get used to people eating in front of me.  We just sat by the pool and relaxed for a couple hours which was nice.

The big event was the Bridge School Benefit that evening.  It's a concert that Neil Young and his ex-wife Peggy started to benefit a school they founded for kids with special needs.  We went for the Dixie Chicks, but there were some other real great performances: Ben Harper=amazing!!, Ryan Adams, Sheryl Crow, Gary Clark, Jr...all awesome!!  I'm so glad I went.  I definitely hope to make this a bay area tradition for me.  :-)

I knew there would be challenges for the whole day: 1. taking all my product with me 2. timing my meals 3. drinking water while at the concert! and 4. not having to pee all night and miss all the acts (sorry if that is TMI for some, but I am a nurse...;-)  )

How did I address this issues?  I would say the taking all the products out with me was easy.  When I come home with my supplies I separate it in to what I will need for each day of the week.  So I just grabbed the days supplies, threw them in my purse and took off.  As for timing, I had my first shake with coffee around 730 and then I was in the salon so I didn't have my next product until around 1115 which was a bit too long.  I def need to have them every 2-3 (at the most) hours otherwise I do get a little loopy and hungry.  My 3rd and 4th were simple because I was at the inn and could just make my shakes like normal.  I did pretty well with water to that point.  During the concert I waited to have a bar until 7 which was ok, but what I didn't account for was the fact that the concert ended close to midnight and I still had a shake to drink!  Grrrr...So I started to get a little loopy, a little hungry and a little dizzy on my 800 calories so far.   Fortunately the show got pretty exciting so I was distracted!  But I never plan to do that again!  As soon as we got to the inn I made a quick vanilla shake with some pumpkin pie spice, chugged it lukewarm and headed back to the car for my hour drive home.  Anyway, lesson learned.  Next big event I will take 2 bars because I think shakes are just too hard at events like that.  I worry about not being allowed to take things in, etc.  But I'm a rule follower and always afraid to be in trouble!  My other big issue was water.  As I said, I drank pretty well during the day, but then the concert came and I didn't want to get up to pee!  As a result I only drank 10oz at the concert.  I should have had another 20oz or so before bed, but I was just tired and ready to sleep and had to talk all the way home to not sleep!  As a result I'm paying for that this AM.  I had some cramps in my feet, my lips are dry and I have a hangover headache.  The solution of course is to rehydrate...so that's what I'm doing!!  Just not doing a great job!  It's 1045am and I've only gotten 16oz down.  But my headache is fading and the foot cramps seem gone.  My weight was down 1.6lbs and I would say 1lb was probably water loss!  Which to me isn't the same as losing water weight, because it was excessive!

All in all I would say it was a success!  I recommend taking all the product with you if there is a risk you will be gone all day.  And next time I will try to get all my water in before the concert!  I am glad I enjoy things like music and musicals, etc.  So many people only entertain themselves with food and I think I have a headstart on the maintenance portion by already knowing what activities, other than food I enjoy!  But lets not go there yet...I'm only on week 2 day 4.  :-)

Week 1 is Really Finished!

So my official weigh in on my own scale this AM was minus 8lbs.  Yeah!  I think that my face is less puffy, my feet are a little less sore and I am feeling fine.

Today I think I'm a little behind on the water intake, but I have almost had 80oz plus my shakes so maybe not.  I'll just keep drinking!  Last night in class we talked about motivation and started touching on exercise.  I've always enjoyed being active so the only reason I struggle with that part is because I can't do what I used to.  I just really have to get over that and just be happy doing what I can!  So we were challenged to do a couple things...increase our steps by 500 more per day than we are currently doing until we reach 10000 steps per day and write down 3 motivators.  My motivators are 1. To be able to hike and walk and run outside and be comfortable doing it! 2.  To be able to buy clothes I love!  3. To be able to travel comfortably! (and by that I mean, be able to walk and see places and fit in airplane seats and not feel clumsy and like I'm taking up too much space or feel like people are looking at me).  According to my Apple health app I'm averaging 6200 steps per day on the month tab so my goal will be to get 6700.  I think in reality I will probably start getting more than that since I am walking at least 30min.

I'm trying to decide what to do for the holidays this year.  I think I am going to stay here and then go home in March between the boys birthdays.  I'm going to Hawaii in March probably for a friends birthday so I could tack it on to that or go from there.

I'm not doing a great job of finding things to occupy my time in the evenings.  I'm mostly obsessing over blogs and the internet.  This isn't much of a change though, I just have different things to look at.  :-) At some point I want to get away from having 3 screens going at night (phone, laptop, TV) and shrink it to maybe just the TV and some other activity.  :-)  I actually bought one of those adult coloring books so that's a nice way to start.

Off to have my last shake!  Iced or hot?  Hmmmm...