2 more weeks!!!

Sort of...I think I mentioned that I count the week "over" for this journey when it starts. :-)

Anyway I am halfway through Week 14 at this point.  Still ZERO cheats!  I am really proud of that.  However, I do agree that it is pointless to beat yourself up if you do cheat.  On the other hand I don't think it is OK to give yourself permission to cheat just because nothing bad happened this time.  First of all, as a nurse who has worked with patients at risk for referring syndrome I have seen electrolytes go nuts when you re-feed too fast.  It's not a good thing!  Also, the fact that nothing showed up on the scale this week doesn't mean that what you ate today won't show up next week!  I let myself get away with binging for too many (6) years because I would have a "bad day" and then I wouldn't have a gain on the scale so I allowed it to continue.  And then in 2 weeks I would be up another 2-3lbs and all those 2-3lbs added up to 100!  So, for me personally I need to remember that cheating is only cheating myself and that there is a reason I gained all this weight in the first place.  I will use that going forward into maintenance as well.  I was always a healthy weight and when I think back during those healthy years I would MAYBE once a month eat a little extra but in general I didn't overindulge.  I think one thing that helped me stay there is that I lived with a mother who was overweight and had several extended family members that were obese.  I never thought I would join them in those ranks.  Then, I became a travel nurse, worked crazy rotating shifts and was mostly surrounded by people of healthy weights.  Sounds silly, but I truly think that was part of it-I just stopped paying attention!  Of course, our facilitator has brought that up a few times-that people who are a healthy weight actually do think about what they are putting in their moths even though you don't hear them do it. :-)  Lessons learned, right??

So this week I weighed in at 200.8lbs!  So, that means this Thursday I will be under 200 for the first time since January 2008.  Thank goodness.  The last time I remember weighing myself besides right before I went to Boston.  I remember because I went to Seattle that Sept and weighed in at 198 and I remember telling someone that I was dangerously close to the next century of weight and that I was terrified of getting there.  I met the same people in Vegas that January and I was still the same weight.     So anyway, I am very excited to hit 197 and feel like I am losing the 35 or so pounds that I gained on night shift in San Diego. :-) Sometimes I think back to my time in San Diego and it makes me sad that I left when I did, but I am so glad I went home and spent the next year with my best friend as she was dealing with her cancer and later passed away.  It is frustrating though that when I left SD I was finally getting active again!  Ah well.  I'm finally get back there again!!

Today I did my C25K run.  It was week 8 day 1 and was a 27min run.  I was finally under a 15min pace for the run portion and I know it would have been slightly faster without the pups, but I'm not ready to leave them behind.  ;-) They enjoy it too much.  Plus Lucy still has weight to lose.  Ha!  And Lola just needs the exercise.  She is still crazy after our 40min (total with the warm up and cool down.)  I think I will be back in the 12min/mile range soon enough.  And that is probably where I will hang out forever. :-) If anyone is thinking of doing it, I just want to say that you can run at any weight!  Of course you should probably be walking first, but when I started this my run was a shuffle, literally.  It was not what anyone would ever consider a run, and actually it was probably slower than my walk.  BUT it uses different muscles and it def got my heart rate up higher.  If you do it right you aren't necessarily at risk for more injuries (all about form and not landing on a straight leg.)  I actually recommend wearing a chest strap HR monitor to force yourself to only go at a pace that isn't too much and to follow an interval program.  It has worked great for me this time.  And worked wonderfully for me in the 2001 when I first started running!

Ok, that's it!  Next 2 weeks of group are all about food and transition so they should be really interesting!

Halfway there!!!

And by halfway I just mean halfway through with the full fast or "active weight loss" phase.  Yeah!!  It feels good to be there!

So here is a summary:
Optifast products:  6 per day...I typically have 4 shakes, 1 bar and 1 soup
Cheats:  ZERO!!!!!!!
Water:  at least 64oz per day, often times 72oz plus the fluid from the shakes.  :-)
Weight at start:  241.6
Todays weight:  215.8
Total weight lost: 25.8lbs
3.7lbs/week
Weeks of product:  7

I'm somewhat surprised that I'm averaging 3.7lbs/week.  I thought I would stay closer to the 2-3lb range.  I do know that I lost more the first week so it ups the average, but I guess I thought it would even out by then.  :-)  Yeah!

I took the dogs on a walk this morning.  I can't seem to make myself run/walk on Thursdays.  I just don't get enough sleep because I need a couple hours to wind down at night and I don't think I get it when I don't get home til 8.  Ah well.  As long as I walk!  I also parked at the free lot for the hospital that is about a 10min walk away.  Doing both of those things brought me very close to 10000 steps per day so I think I'll keep that up.

I still feel like I should be more nervous to either go back to food or maintain, but I'm really just focusing on getting the job done! I've lost weight counting calories before so I'm not too worried about that part especially since I think I will have momentum going into it.  As far as maintenance goes, I'll see when I get there!

A running coach came to talk to us last night.  I've seen his car around town and I've been curious.  During the maintenance phase Kaiser has lifestyle courses.  One is going to be a running group.  I have a feeling I'll be joining that one.

Other than that not much is going on.  I suppose that's a good thing!!

Any new blogs out there??

When I was looking into this program I was on a hunt for blogs, specifically success stories.  I read the ones that I could find, but I'm finding that this blog doesn't even show up on searches.  Does anyone know how to search in a better way?? Or maybe there really aren't new blogs?  I think what is hard about the old ones is that many stop at some point after the blogger enters maintenance and then starts gaining weight.  I'm sure it would be hard to continue to blog at that point.   I hope I succeed and a year after maintenance I start blogging about all of the benefits to losing the weight and keeping it off!  Or something similar!

If anyone out there is reading this and has found any other newer blogs that appear inspiring let me know!

After Wednesday I will be halfway through full fast!!  If I go buy my current weight I am in the upper 210s and will hopefully cross below 215 in a week and a half or so!  I know I shouldn't set deadlines for weight loss goals, but I'm thinking of it more like a prediction.  :-)  I'm really hoping to have lost half of the weight by end of phase 1!  If I can dip below 200 before transition starts I will be super happy.  I remember a few years ago after I left my travel nurse assignment in San Diego I went to Seattle with some of my nurse friends from SD and I told one of them that I was horrified that my weight had ballooned up to almost a new "century." That number was 190-something.  I remember being devastated and miserable.  I thought my weight would never get that high.  Previously when I had thought I was "fat" my weight was around 165-175 which really isn't too far into the overweight range for my height of 5'8".  I never thought I would enter the obese category.  I feel like I have lost the last 5 or so years of my life being at this weight because it has held me back from doing things I enjoy and meeting new people in the cities I traveled to.  Even here it has kept me from going out and enjoying what I want to!  There is so much to love about the bay area and I need to get out and explore more!  Anyway, I didn't come here to write about any of that.  And I can't think about what I haven't done, but I can focus on taking this 1 day at a time and think about all of the physical things I want to do when I meet my goals!  I even took my bike out the other day (to ride to the movies) and I was so much more comfortable on it then 20lbs ago.  I'm still a chicken and afraid to fall, but feeling lighter definitely helped!!

Signing off...keep up the hard work and let me know if you know of any blogs for people starting out on this journey or recently transitioned and successfully maintaining!!

Angie

Thanksgiving....

Happy Thanksgiving!  I feel like a cheater...BUT it's not from food.  It's because I'm choosing to spend the day alone.  I didn't want to fly back home to KS mostly because I have a teenage niece and I don't think it's appropriate to share a diet like this with her.  I might get some backlash for that but here is why:  I grew up with an obese mother.  I have memories of her dieting as I was growing up-I could be imagining it but I vaguely remember things like grapefruit, cabbage and some paperwork so I know I was aware of her doing this as a child.  All the time I was growing up I was very thin (as in kids made fun of me for being really skinny-and I know some people who might read this might think oh, what a horrible problem, but really everyone has their own struggles and we shouldn't judge).  Anyway, I digress.  I was really thin and an extremely picky eater.  I for sure had some sensory issues with textures and my mom tells me once she force fed me spaghetti (that I don't remember, but I must deep down because I didn't eat spaghetti happily until I became an adult).  It wasn't until I got to college that I started really gaining weight.  Even then I was always in a healthy weight range, but thought I was overweight.  I think many of those issues go back to watching my mom struggle.  I remember telling her once when we were camping that I was always going to walk around with my stomach sucked in.  These aren't healthy thoughts and I don't think any kid should ever have to think about dieting.  They should be given healthy servings of whole foods.  We really shouldn't keep junk in the house and processed food shouldn't be their staples.  Unfortunately I work in a pediatric gastroenterology clinic where we are forced to have a fatty liver clinic and it appalls me that this clinic is even necessary!  I'm rambling again.  My point here is this, my niece is also thin and very tall.  Her friends are shorter and weigh in the 100lb range which is appropriate for their height.  She is around 135 and is 5'7" so well within a healthy range for her height.  Somehow she already thinks that she needs to be 100lbs.  She also came home from health class one day saying that she was told she's only supposed to have 500calories/day.  Clearly she misunderstood.  So we have a beautiful 13yr old kid who is already having body issues and has been surrounded by her mother and my mother who are constantly talking about food and dieting.  Most of the time she knew me when I lived there I was a healthy weight, but half her life I have been obese.  When I see her again I want her to see me making healthy choices so that she will continue to make healthy choices and not think she needs to ever do a rapid weight loss plan.  I just don't want her to focus.  If my other sister and I are her only 2 positive food influences that's ok as long as she has 2!  My plan is to go back in March for my nephews' birthdays and be very close to a healthy weight and enjoy my time with them without the stress of the holidays.

My friends here that are like my second family sometimes have people over, but I explained to them a long time ago that I wouldn't be spending it with them this year.  They will survive and are going to dinner at a lodge near the ocean with their other second family.  :-) I feel like I'm supposed to feel sad to miss out and not be eating, etc but I don't.  I'm losing weight and feeling stronger.  I know that it is only 1 Thanksgiving and 1 Christmas.  I know that in the future I will be able to enjoy making healthy choices at holiday dinners and have more fun with the kids.  SO there it is.  My cheat is avoiding the holidays.  :-)  Christmas movies and a walk with my dogs is on the schedule for today.  Maybe I will venture out to a movie in the theater, but right now I'm pretty comfy in my pajamas.  :-)

Weight update!
I have finished week 7 of the program (6 weeks of full fast).  I have not cheated one time.  I have slacked on water drinking a couple of times and when that happens I get headaches so I'm trying to make it a priority.  TOM is this week so I was slightly worried about what I would lose, but not because I knew if it was a small loss I would make up for it the following week.  Gotta love being a woman.  Plus they say everyone plateaus at a some point.
The verdict is...
This weeks weight loss 2.8lbs
Total weight loss 23.4lbs

So I'm right on track still to lose 2-3lbs/week which is my personal hope/goal.  I've been walking the dogs 30min per day minimum.  I've been moving more at work.  I've been doing my run/walk.  I did get behind so I'm on week 4.  Call it laziness, but I knew I would be off 4 days so I thought I would save the last 2 days for this long weekend rather than do it with the dogs.  They make it hard!  Too much pulling in other directions, etc.

I wish I could say I have a magic formula for the shakes, bars, soups, but it is what it is.  I'm good until people say "oh I could never do that" or "oh that must be so hard."  Then, I start to doubt myself that I can finish, but I can't continue to let other people influence what I think I can do!!  So I shut down those voices with I already completed 7 weeks, I'm almost halfway through and now I'm on the downhill.  One thing that is good is that I will be moving into continued weight loss with transition so it should keep me interested and will probably come at a time when I will finally be bored.

We just started bringing up transition a little last week.  I think some of the things I'm going to try now will help me.  For example, my goal is to eat at my table 3 nights this week starting tonight!  That should help me with mindful eating.  I think it's ok to text while I eat just because a lot of people would be having dinner with their family then and be talking so how is texting different.  I'm not sure I am ready to turn off the TV.  So for now it is just sit at the table, take my time (15-20min) and feel what it feels like.  I think I've been sort of practicing that now.  I have been trying to pay attention to every single bite.  OH!  Also, I have passed the 220 mark so I get my first reward!  I decided that the first thing I'm going to buy is cute small bowls!  I can use them in my eating soup at the table plan and hopefully it will keep me interested.  :-) I plan to go to our cute shopping street here and go to this little boutique store I really like!  I think that's all I have to say today!

Week 7 Weigh-in

I feel like I should be writing about more than weights, but that's sort of what I'm focused on right now!  So here it is...6 weeks of the program complete, 5 week full fast and my grand total is 20.6lbs!  I'm considering it 5 weeks of weight loss since I didn't make any changes week 1.  That's just over 4lbs/week!  Wahoo!!!!  That means I am 1/4 of the way to goal.  I'm hoping next week I leave the 220s behind.  Just a couple more pounds and I will be back to the weight I was at when I went to Europe (and came back) a couple years ago.  So I'm happy about that.  Next goal is to get back to my "leaving San Diego" weight.  :-)

One of my friends I work with keeps making comments about weight loss which I think she bases on her own personal experience.  She has never been overweight (although she claims to have gained 40lbs with her last pregnancy.  I think what people who just think they weigh too much don't really grasp what it means to really be for real overweight.  They also don't understand that when you weigh more you just lose weight faster.  I shouldn't have been annoyed at her comment.  After she made the comment that was basically that I wouldn't be able to lose 1-2lbs/week after the fast part of this is over she kept going on and on about how as we get older we don't lose weight as quickly, blah, blah, blah....this may be true, but when you take someone who has a lot of weight to lose they actually lose weight faster for a while.  Of course everyone has plateaus, etc.  I just think those sorts of comments are completely unnecessary.  I don't have unrealistic goals.  1-2lbs/week is considered a nice healthy pace at which to lose weight.  Grrrrr....ah well...I'm letting it go.  I had lost a couple pounds earlier this year and she made another comment like that and I totally stopped counting calories because I felt so discourage.  So the lesson is don't listen to her and don't engage in conversations with her about it!

I keep thinking I will do work the Beck Diet Solution, but I also keep putting it off.  I feel like it will make more since when I eat food.  But I also know that it focuses a lot on behaviors.  Maybe I should look at what the days entail and see what seems like a good time to start in relation to when I will be transitioning to real food.

Not much else is happening.  I had a little setback on my run/walk.  I didn't drink enough water and had headaches for a couple days at the end of last week.  Then on Saturday I pulled something in my back.  So I got back on it on Tuesday and have only done 1 day this week, but it's Thursday so I can do tomorrow and then a day on the weekend.  I have done my stretch video twice which is pretty good. Oh, I got into grad school...Can't remember if I posted that.  Yeah!!

I suppose that's all for now! I think it might be a good idea to blog more frequently...I always think journaling is cathartic.

PS for the time being I'm considering my week to be Thurs-Wed.  That may or may not change once my 30 weeks is up!

My Personal Start of Week 6 Official Weigh In...

Yesterday (Thursday) morning I had my own official first thing in the morning naked weigh in.  I've mentioned before it is the only one I count.

And I'm down another 3lbs for a grand total of 16.4lbs after 4 full weeks of Optifast 800 shakes, bars and soups.  Reminder, Kaiser Northern California is 6 products/day.  I don't know why or different centers decide how many products they start people on, but alas, that is what it is here.  :-)  I think it is just right.  Most likely my goal will be to eat 4-5 times/day so I like that the shakes are spread out in approximately those intervals.  I consider my morning shake just my coffee for the morning and then think of the other 5 items as snacks and meals.

I decided to stay home from work today.  I haven't talked about it much here, but I am a pediatric nurse working in an ambulatory care clinic and lately I have been working hard on some projects.  I have also been feeling like our group doesn't really appreciate the role nurses can have in ambulatory care-we are a super Nurse Practitioner heavy clinic.  In my old like I would have loved that because the NPs I worked with had been nurses and we really had a very collaborative approach.  I think that maybe that relationship is going downhill a bit because of the advent of MEPN programs.  For those who are curious, this is an accelerated program for individuals with a bachelors degree in something other than nurses who want to become nurse practitioners.  The problem with these programs is that its very short and people with sometimes absolutely NO healthcare experience come out feeling like they can take care of patients they really don't have the clinical experience to care for (or just health care experience in general).  Anyway, I've recently heard some of them say things like "don't they see the initials behind my name?" or "I'm not just a nurse."  This has me really thinking about whether I am truly a valued member of the team and whether or not it is time for me to move on.  So-mental health day!!!

So anyway, rant over...

Maybe because of the work situation (PS I adore my coworkers as people) I was having a poor me, I will never lose 70-80lbs moment.  And a why did I let myself go this far moment...you know sabotaging thoughts, etc.  So rather than cheat or sneak some food I did a couple of things.  The first was take the pups to the park.  While there I turned those thoughts into, of course you will become healthy and it is going to take some time, but you have spent 6-7years getting to this point and you will recover faster.  The 3rd thing I did was look for inspirational charts, etc that would help me look at each milestone or victory.

I created 2 things today.  The first is a chart where I can cross of the pounds and it has a list of my rewards (things to help me eat healthy later).  Someone on a site I posted it felt the need to correct my spelling, but rather than feel bad or defensive I laughed at myself and replied that of course I wrote bowel instead of bowl-I'm a GI nurse!  :-)  And I also made a mental note to myself not to correct someone's obviously mistaken typo.  The other thing I created was an excel spreadsheet that I can look at every week and watch my percentage of weight loss go up every week as the pounds go down.  I'll attempt to post them here, but as I'm new to this blog thing I can't make any promises.  :-)

Weight Loss % Chart

Reward Chart...I should have taken a pic of the marked off one but I went ahead and crossed off 225 since that is where I am now!!

Having a boring day...

I need to figure out what that means to me.  I walked with a friend (just a short 40 or so minutes) and went to see the new James Bond movie Spectre.  I don't know why I feel a little blah today.  I guess I'm tired of not doing much besides watch TV and walk with my dogs.  They are cute and adorable of course, but it isn't a very full life!  I need to figure out how to stay interested.  I'm not really sure what the right word is...Anyway I suppose in January when school starts I will be plenty busy!

I could also be reading or coloring or folding the laundry I just washed so I guess bored might not really be the right word.  Discontent?  Hmmmmm....

The movie was fine.  A little part of me missed being able to get lunch or brunch after or before.  Those are the sorts of things that I think are going to be tough.  I'm going to see a musical in a few weeks and that will be a similar thing.  Ah well, I just remind myself it isn't forever.  It's just 11 more weeks after all!  And I'm hoping that by that time I will be more than halfway to my goal.  I've also been wondering when we talk about goal and transition.  I want to learn about how to eat and measure portions.  I know I will need to buy a scale and some other things.  I don't like waiting to find things out so I guess this is a good lesson in patience.  :-)

I was trying to think of a reward system for sticking to this.  I don't really know how the program feels about rewards.  We haven't talked about it at all so I don't know if it is frowned upon.  Anyway, I want to "reward" myself with some things for cooking and to make eating at my dining room table more enjoyable.  Some things on the list are:  a spiralizer, small bowls and plates, table decor and a cookbook holder.  Maybe a pitcher and some things to hold spoons and hot dishes.  It almost seems silly since I live alone, but eating at the table is an important habit.  I'm also going to pick out a playlist to reward myself for doing the C25K week 1!  I will finish week 2 tomorrow.  So I think I will pick tomorrows play list tonight and then find another one for tomorrow.  Or maybe just add a song for every week I complete it.  That might be more fun.  :-)

I feel strangely better for blogging (even if I am the only one who reads this) so yeah me!  Think I will go fold that laundry.  :-)

Week 5 weigh in...

I don't think I've been writing the weeks right or it's confusing or I don't know...:-)  Anyway, I started the 5th week of the Kaiser Healthy Weight Management Program last night.  So it was technically my 5th weigh in.  I've completed 3 weeks of product (remember week 1 is no product) and I'm feeling great!  I'm sort of shocked by how good I feel and I don't know if it is because I'm finally on the path to losing the weight I've been carrying for the last 5 years or that I'm walking more than I have in months or that I'm in ketosis and slightly high all the time.  Whatever it is I will take it!!

Everyone says the products become routine and they are right.  I essentially have them at the same time every day.  I don't set a timer or anything like that because I really want to listen to my body.  I think that's a skill I need to have for the future.  Much of my overeating was due to eating when I wasn't hungry or waiting until I was starving and then overeating at night.  SO, my goal is to eat regularly but listen to my body and have a glass of water at my first sign of hunger and then wait 20min or so and if I feel hungry again then I will eat.  This is making my products be about every 2-3 hours which is what is recommended by the plan-and I guess it's that way for a reason.  I bought some Torani syrups that I am adding to the shakes still.  They are all good.  I'm thinking the 2 bars and 1 soup plus 3 shakes will be a good plan for me for the duration.  I like being able to chew and it is sort of like having 3 "meals" and the shakes are like snacks.  I imagine in the future I will continue to eat 5-6 times/day whether it is 3 regular meals and 2-3 small snacks or something similar.  I know it's too early to really think about the future, but what better time?

I am still reading the Beck Diet Solution with the intent that I will just read it now and then start it again the week or so before transition.  I think that cognitive behavioral therapy techniques are great skills to have for anything in life.  Who knows, maybe I will use them to help with other fears, etc.

I've also been doing the C25K running app.  I want to go back to running (slow jogging) a few 5Ks/yr and maybe a couple longer runs.  It's going well.  I have been waking up at 6 without any problems.  I'm turning off my screens at 9 and reading for an hour or so (usually less because I'm tired!)  I'm feeling rested and ready to workout most mornings.  This morning was harder, but I haven't been drinking as much water (2L instead of 80oz) and I wonder if that's why.  It was also Wednesday and I think I don't get as much rest on Wednesdays because of class and I'm anxious to see what my "official" Thursday morning weight is.

Speaking of weigh in!  I lost 2.2lbs this week.  This brings my total to 13.4lbs in the 3 weeks I've been on product.  I'm more than happy with that.  I also imagine that I will level out now at 2-3lbs/week.

We are supposed to start increasing our activity so I'm aiming for about 8000 steps/day this week.  Today I'm falling way short, but I sat at my desk a lot.  Tomorrow should be better.  It's dark when I get home but I need to just get over that and get the dogs our for a 30min walk.  The program doesn't recommend more than 30-60min of exercise based on our intake right now.  I also plan to add in strength training starting next week.  It will help me in so many ways-building muscle of course aids in weight loss because muscle burns more calories than fat plus it will help prevent injuries and strengthen the muscles around my joints.

That's about all I have for tonight!

Week 2 weigh-in

Minus about 7.8 total on the clinic scale (I'm not 100% sure about the weekly loss since it is a different scale.  On MY all important scale I am down 11.4, 3.2 from this past week.  I'm happy with that.  Its that time of the month every woman retains water and maybe doesn't lose weight, so I'm especially happy that this time I did!  I am not drinking quite enough water I think.  However, I'm drinking at least 80oz/day so I'm not sure how that's possible.  Anyway, today I have a little headache and I had this weird moment of nausea, but it passed.  I switched to 3 shakes, 2 bars and 1 soup this week and next.  I just thought it would be easier at work.  We shall see!

As for activity, I restarted the C25K app and I'm on week 1 day 2.  It's going fine.  I was a little worried I wouldn't have the energy, but it worked out great.  I had a shake first (630!) and the did the run/walk.  I will say that since I started eating so early, I was extra hungry by 6.  I will have to play with the timing.  I think my headache might be related to not enough water  because of the exercise.  I also need to remember to drink a whole 8oz with my midday bar since I will be missing the fluids from the shake.  I also didn't sleep great last night-I had coffee around 3 and it may have kept me up.  Lesson learned (again).

I wanted to take a minute to talk about motivators and goals.  Our homework for this week is to list 3 motivators and then 3 goals to move more (1 short term, 1 medium and 1 long term) so I've been thinking about that.  One of my motivators is to be able to enjoy outdoor activities without being miserable (hot, out of breath, etc).  Another includes shopping for cute clothes.  :-)  I'm having difficulty with the 3rd because I am not in poor health (yet) and that seems like it would be the next important so maybe it's to maintain my health.  For the goals:  1. complete the weekly C25K program (it's 8 weeks so that's 8 weeks worth of short term goals) 2. Run a 5k in February 3. complete a 10k next fall (1yr).  In reality I want to do the Nike women's half and actually enjoy it next year.  But that will be a run/walk so that's why I'm choosing the 10k.

We are also supposed to read a chapter from the book Living Smart Five Essential Skills to Change Your Health Habits Forever.  I'm also currently reading The Beck Diet Solution.  I'm finding it really interesting and I'm excited to change my thinking around food.  I feel like most of my eating occurs when I am alone.  I never finish my entire meal at a restaurant, but if I order a pizza, it's gone in 2-3 days.  The most overeating always occurs when I haven't eaten or had enough to drink throughout the day so I'm starving on the way home so I stop for fast food.  I also stop for cokes and sweet teas.  Those calories really add up!  And I know that.  One of the keys for me in maintenance is going to be drinking water.  When I'm not thirsty I don't want sweet tea or soda!

I'm trying to work on other healthy habits as well.  I looked at my average steps/day for last month and they were 6200.  Our facilitator challenged us to increase them by 500/day/wk until we reach 10000.  Already this week I'm getting closer to 7000 so I don't think it will be long til I'm reaching that goal.  I am also making sure the dogs get at least one 30min walk.  If I increase to 2 I will probably be at the 10000 steps/day.  Another thing that I think is key to well being is sleep!  I truly believe the blue light from screens interfere with sleep so I've been turning off my computer, phone, TV, etc by 9pm and just going to bed to read on my nook (which is the one with e-ink so no backlight).  I'm sleeping so much better!!

So that's it, that's where I'm at!  Sleeping more, walking more and in general I'm just happier.  And 11.4lbs lighter!

The Day After...

My first night out...;-)

Yesterday was a pretty busy day for me.  It started out with getting my grays covered (premature gray thanks to my mom's side of the family).  I had to get up about 7 on my day off, which I know isn't early in most worlds, but I like to get up slowly on weekends.  I was tempted to tell my stylist about this journey.  Mostly because I wanted to warn her about hair loss, but a little part of me is hoping that since I won't be fasting as long as some of the other blogs I have read and I'm not doing the Optifast HP program (which is even less than my 960 calories) I won't have the hair loss issues.  Wow, how is that for a run on sentence?  ;-)  Remember I am a nurse not a writer!  Anyway, I didn't and I sort of hope I don't have to.  I am telling all of my friends and coworkers and that seems to be enough people for now.  I've also told one sister, but I should probably tell my mom and my other sister.

Anyway, I got a little off track!  One of my good friends owns a bed and breakfast near my hair appt and we had plans for the evening so I headed over there with my pups to hang out.  I was mostly fine, but she did eat smoked salmon on a bagel in front of me and another friend that was their had toast with butter.  I was a little jealous, but I need to get used to people eating in front of me.  We just sat by the pool and relaxed for a couple hours which was nice.

The big event was the Bridge School Benefit that evening.  It's a concert that Neil Young and his ex-wife Peggy started to benefit a school they founded for kids with special needs.  We went for the Dixie Chicks, but there were some other real great performances: Ben Harper=amazing!!, Ryan Adams, Sheryl Crow, Gary Clark, Jr...all awesome!!  I'm so glad I went.  I definitely hope to make this a bay area tradition for me.  :-)

I knew there would be challenges for the whole day: 1. taking all my product with me 2. timing my meals 3. drinking water while at the concert! and 4. not having to pee all night and miss all the acts (sorry if that is TMI for some, but I am a nurse...;-)  )

How did I address this issues?  I would say the taking all the products out with me was easy.  When I come home with my supplies I separate it in to what I will need for each day of the week.  So I just grabbed the days supplies, threw them in my purse and took off.  As for timing, I had my first shake with coffee around 730 and then I was in the salon so I didn't have my next product until around 1115 which was a bit too long.  I def need to have them every 2-3 (at the most) hours otherwise I do get a little loopy and hungry.  My 3rd and 4th were simple because I was at the inn and could just make my shakes like normal.  I did pretty well with water to that point.  During the concert I waited to have a bar until 7 which was ok, but what I didn't account for was the fact that the concert ended close to midnight and I still had a shake to drink!  Grrrr...So I started to get a little loopy, a little hungry and a little dizzy on my 800 calories so far.   Fortunately the show got pretty exciting so I was distracted!  But I never plan to do that again!  As soon as we got to the inn I made a quick vanilla shake with some pumpkin pie spice, chugged it lukewarm and headed back to the car for my hour drive home.  Anyway, lesson learned.  Next big event I will take 2 bars because I think shakes are just too hard at events like that.  I worry about not being allowed to take things in, etc.  But I'm a rule follower and always afraid to be in trouble!  My other big issue was water.  As I said, I drank pretty well during the day, but then the concert came and I didn't want to get up to pee!  As a result I only drank 10oz at the concert.  I should have had another 20oz or so before bed, but I was just tired and ready to sleep and had to talk all the way home to not sleep!  As a result I'm paying for that this AM.  I had some cramps in my feet, my lips are dry and I have a hangover headache.  The solution of course is to rehydrate...so that's what I'm doing!!  Just not doing a great job!  It's 1045am and I've only gotten 16oz down.  But my headache is fading and the foot cramps seem gone.  My weight was down 1.6lbs and I would say 1lb was probably water loss!  Which to me isn't the same as losing water weight, because it was excessive!

All in all I would say it was a success!  I recommend taking all the product with you if there is a risk you will be gone all day.  And next time I will try to get all my water in before the concert!  I am glad I enjoy things like music and musicals, etc.  So many people only entertain themselves with food and I think I have a headstart on the maintenance portion by already knowing what activities, other than food I enjoy!  But lets not go there yet...I'm only on week 2 day 4.  :-)

Week 1 is Really Finished!

So my official weigh in on my own scale this AM was minus 8lbs.  Yeah!  I think that my face is less puffy, my feet are a little less sore and I am feeling fine.

Today I think I'm a little behind on the water intake, but I have almost had 80oz plus my shakes so maybe not.  I'll just keep drinking!  Last night in class we talked about motivation and started touching on exercise.  I've always enjoyed being active so the only reason I struggle with that part is because I can't do what I used to.  I just really have to get over that and just be happy doing what I can!  So we were challenged to do a couple things...increase our steps by 500 more per day than we are currently doing until we reach 10000 steps per day and write down 3 motivators.  My motivators are 1. To be able to hike and walk and run outside and be comfortable doing it! 2.  To be able to buy clothes I love!  3. To be able to travel comfortably! (and by that I mean, be able to walk and see places and fit in airplane seats and not feel clumsy and like I'm taking up too much space or feel like people are looking at me).  According to my Apple health app I'm averaging 6200 steps per day on the month tab so my goal will be to get 6700.  I think in reality I will probably start getting more than that since I am walking at least 30min.

I'm trying to decide what to do for the holidays this year.  I think I am going to stay here and then go home in March between the boys birthdays.  I'm going to Hawaii in March probably for a friends birthday so I could tack it on to that or go from there.

I'm not doing a great job of finding things to occupy my time in the evenings.  I'm mostly obsessing over blogs and the internet.  This isn't much of a change though, I just have different things to look at.  :-) At some point I want to get away from having 3 screens going at night (phone, laptop, TV) and shrink it to maybe just the TV and some other activity.  :-)  I actually bought one of those adult coloring books so that's a nice way to start.

Off to have my last shake!  Iced or hot?  Hmmmm...

End of Week 1!!

So I did it!! I survived!! 14 to go. :-)

I got up earlier today so I'm hungrier later, but that makes since.  Good to remember though!  I weighed in on the body composition scale tonight and it's a little off from the regular clinic scale so it's hard to say how much I actually lost.  So it's somewhere between 5-7lbs.  We shall see what my official weight is tomorrow. :-)

Off to bed early tonight!

One more day til the end of week 1!

I'm sort of surprised at how easy this is...I was really expecting to be starving, have headaches and just be miserable in general at least a couple days!  Anyway, I will just accept that I didn't have to suffer much.  :-)

My biggest issue right now is that I know I can't go out to dinner before shows, etc for a very long time.  I am one of those people that did all of my overeating alone at night at home or because I stopped for fast food on the way home because I was starving.  SO I am hoping this will really reset my body and brain into needing to eat every 3-4 hours in the future and drinking lots of water.  I never used to have a problem being active and I am taking the dogs for 1 good 30min walk every morning.  I'm hoping as I figure out what my body can do I will be able to restart the C210K running app.  I want to ask more about that at class this week.

Class...we meet tomorrow night.  I don't honestly feel that it has been super helpful at this point, but it's only been 2 weeks so we will see.  I'm hoping there will be more dialogue.  We have a couple people in group who are in their second round because they gained the weight back.  And another who lost quite a bit of weight on his own and has kept it off, but plateaued.  I would really like to hear how he has managed to keep it off.  At the very least it will hold me accountable!  And I think the maintenance stuff will be great!

I wish I was more worried about that, but historically I have not had much difficulty losing weight by counting calories when I needed to lose 10-20 pounds.  Of course, my whole goal is to not ever have to lose that much weight again!  

I have in my head an end goal weight of 155 with the whole +/- 5.  That's seems to be where my body was happiest in the past.  I don't think I have written on here where my weight started but I guess this is a good place!  I was 242.6 on the clinic scale on Wednesday night and 241.6 on my scale.  The sort of strange thing about that is I was fully clothed and wearing shoes on the clinic scale and it was the end of the day...which means my scale actually weighs me as more than theirs!  Ah well....I'm using my naked morning weights as my official weights.  :-)

Day 5 and holding strong....

I didn't write anything yesterday because, frankly, I didn't have anything to say about the plan.  :-)  I am assuming I am in Ketosis and perhaps my headaches on Friday and a little Saturday were related to it.  I'm not honestly sure, because some people say "ketoflu" is horrible and enough to make you never want to cheat.  For me, I get headaches frequently when I don't drink enough water and they have been much worse.  Guess it helped I stayed hydrated.  I've been logging all my product into My Fitness Pal.  I like the app and plan to continue using it for a long time!  Anyway, I have to add 40calories per day as a "quick add" because MFP doesn't like it when women take in less than 1000cal/day.  I'm glad they have that feature in general because it would be a huge trigger for anoretics.

Something happened today that I should write so I'm reminded later!  I had my chocolate shake on the drive to work then got to work and realized I had only brought a shake and a soup!  I have been having 4 products before I get home at night and then just have the last 2 and maybe a cup of tea.  I was ok and had a cup of tea around 4pm, but then I was heading to the elevator and got a little dizzy.  SO!  Lesson learned!  I'm going to start taking all my product for the week to work on Thursdays after I pick it up on Wednesday night.

Now, I am occasionally hungry, but mostly when it is time for me to have another shake.  And it isn't like before when I might not eat much all day and then feel sort of weak and "funny" and ravished until I ate a huge dinner.  Something I will try and remember when I enter transition and maintenance!  Of course, that seems forever away right now!

In reality I'm not even finished with week 1 yet and the novelty has not warn off.  I still hear people mention food and my first thought is "oh poor me I can't have that" but I try to stop those thoughts immediately and change to "oh well I can't have that right now and the end results are going to be so worth it."  So far that's working for me.

I am reading some of the Optifast Support posts on Facebook.  While it is motivating, there seem to be a lot of people on there who are buying it online and it's sort of frustrating!  As a nurse, I know how important it is to monitor labs, etc while being on a low calorie diet.  These people are recommending people do things like take vitamin water (strictly forbidden by our doctor), eat veggies even if it's not on plan, etc.  One study shows that it is better to not eat anything at all because to chew stimulates something in you and makes you want to chew even more.  So I'll stick to my 1 or 2 bars.  Other than the first night when I would have loved to have another (but didn't) I haven't felt the need to continue chewing.

I've been thinking about how to order product.  I don't particularly like the fact that we basically ordered blindly (other than a taste test of the powder shakes and bars) for the first 2 weeks.  I won't order strawberry ready made anymore.  I'm also going to try 2 bars and 1 soup and then 3 shakes and see how that goes.  Then I'll drink a glass of water with the bars.  Water...that is something I am doing  surprisingly well on.  I used to drink 3L a day and somewhere in the last 5 years I just stopped drinking it!  It feels good to be hydrated again...maybe that's why I'm not having many issues.

I have to confess to weighing myself WAY too often, but it's so fun to watch the weight come off even if it water weight!  I heard about a study that says weighing daily might actually be a great way to stay on track esp in maintenance.  This will surely be frowned upon by Kaiser, but when I stopped weighing myself is when I gained!  Of course there were other factors, but that was one piece.

What else can I say?  I'm mixing the shakes with a variety of things.  Some favorites are:

1.  Vanilla powder with diet A&W root beer with some ice
2.  Coffee with a box of chocolate or vanilla are both good!  I added some pumpkin pie spice to one and it was great-even though I'm not a fan of pumpkin spice lattes...yes I know, unAmerican.
3.  Ready made chocolate warmed up and then add caramel sugar free syrup (I bought the Target brand)
4.  Boil water in the tea kettle and add vanilla powder, pumpkin pie spice and a little vanilla and cinnamon (only because there isn't enough already....ha!)
5.  Not a shake by cayenne in the tomato sou is tasty
6.  And I highly recommend heating the bars for 15-30sec!  They taste like a yummy warm dessert!

One thing I wonder is after all of this sweet stuff will I continue to want to end my night with something sweet?  I'm not sure, but historically it sounds like people generally start to crave more savory and salty things.  We shall see...in about 14.5 weeks.  :-)

I hate to say it, but I'm excited and a little nervous to weigh in on Wednesday!  I'm afraid that the number won't be as exciting as I thought it would be and I've been trying to think of what I would be ok with for a week 1 number.  I think it's because usually people lose a large amt the first week due to water loss and then it tapers off so if I don't put up a good number this week, what will that mean for the rest??  I won't be very happy if I don't lose at least 2lb/week on this plan!!  Also, its getting to be that time in the month where I always retain water....something I should document in My Fitness Pal so that I remember!

Signing off...time to turn the screens off!  If anyone is out there reading this Thanks!

Downfall...

I'm not a blogger and I have tried once before to create a blog to document a weight loss journey that wasn't successful.  Anyway, I thought now might be the time to start again!

A little background on me!  I am a pediatric nurse.  I was very thin most of my childhood and I remember people forcing me to eat or sitting at the dinner table for hours because I would gag on certain foods.  Now that I work as a GI nurse I understand that is the WORST thing you can do to a picky eater.  Through high school I maintained a healthy weight mostly because my mom was overweight and I never wanted to have to deal with those issues myself.  In college I worked a lot and ate a lot of pizza so I'm guessing that is when I start the cycle of gain 10lbs lose 10lbs, but it was never a lot of weight on my 5'8" frame.  Fast forward to 2007...my best friend was diagnosed with colon cancer but I had plans to be a travel nurse...so I went.  I loved it, but I was also concerned about  what was happening at home, especially when I learned her cancer was stage 4.  I still managed to only gain about 5 lbs.  I decided to continue traveling and got an assignment...on the dreaded NIGHT SHIFT!  I know a lot of people who like night shift, but it was NOT for me.  I slept all the time and when I wasn't sleeping I was eating.  I managed to gain 30lbs before I decided I really needed to be at home helping my friend.  I lived with her and her husband and their daughter to help out.  While there I managed to fall and sprain both of my ankles.  I think of that as the beginning of all my loss of control.  After she passed away I spent more a few more months at home before I resumed my travel nursing...where once again I was stuck on crazy rotating shifts.  My weight managed to balloon to 250-a total 100lb weight gain!  I couldn't believe I had gone from a pretty healthy, active person to someone who pretty much spent all my time asleep or eating on the couch.

I continued travel nursing and made it to Los Angeles where I was finally on day shift, but still full of horrible habits and managed to gain another 8lbs.  I was having joint pains, plantar fasciitis (probably from both the weight gain and the bilateral sprained ankles that I never properly rehabilitated) and just plain lethargy.

I moved on to the San Francisco Bay Area and felt somewhat motivated to make some changes after a horrible hike with a couple of friends.  There was a time in my past that hike would have been no big deal and this time I was practically in tears.

I entered a challenge at work and managed to lose about 30lbs.  For some reason, I felt like I would never reach the end so I lost all my motivation.  I just didn't think I could be successful.  I have managed to keep off about 20lbs from my all time high of 260(ish).

At this point in my life I am almost 40 and love being outside and nature and it worries me that I am missing out on so many things in life due to discomfort, both physical and emotional, related to my weight.  I don't enjoy social situations anymore unless it's a dark theater because I am sure people are looking at me.  It's uncomfortable to go to theaters or ball games because I worry about stairs and if the person who sits next to me will be annoyed if my leg touches theirs.  I want to run again and wear cute clothes!  So here I am, I've decided to start the Kaiser Healthy Weight Management Program.  I always scoff at fad diets or elimination diets so it will probably surprise some people that I am doing it, but I feel like I need the motivation of losing a lot of weight fairly rapidly and I feel like the transition program will help me return to my healthy roots.  I'm going to do 2 more posts today about day 1 and 2.  I'm doing it mostly for myself because I want to be able to remind myself of what I put myself through to get back my health!  I also spent a lot of time looking for Optifast blogs and was surprised to not find many recent ones so I thought maybe someone out there would benefit.  :-)

So wish me luck and if you are a fellow Optifaster...congratulations on your life change and good luck!!