I stayed in California and FaceTimed with my family while they opened gifts. :-) I stuck to plan 100% and plan to continue through these last 4 weeks without a cheat! Not much has changed. I am not having any more issues with dizziness thank goodness. We had the MD visit and labs this week and all was perfect! I lost another 3.something. So my total loss at the start of week 12 is 35.6lbs. I'm really happy with that number. :-) Technically I have been completed 10 weeks of full fast. So I'm averaging 3.5lbs per week. They say weeks 5-9 are the true predictors of ongoing loss and it looks like I lost about 3/wk during that time. The last few weeks things have picked up. I think I'm getting more steps in and more exercise minutes. I'm getting at least 40min/day avg and about 6500 steps most days. According to the MFP predictors I think I'll be just around 190 on transition week. Yeah! My short term goal is 164 which just puts me in the healthy weight range with no wiggle room. My ultimate goal is to settle somewhere in the 150s. But I'm also not trying to spend too much time thinking about where I'll end up right now.
I've been super emotional at work and I brought it up a little at group this week. One lady blamed hormones, but I know I've been unhappy in this job for quite some time. I know that it isn't the job I want to stay in for the next 20yrs and it's hard. I have feelings of guilt about it and I suppose the way I have been dealing with it so far is by eating those feelings and burying them. It's a huge relief to have told the doctors I work with and I hope that by doing so I can either make this job more fulfilling and interesting or I can move on. I applied for a job in San Diego that may or may not be more interesting. We shall see. The best case scenario would be my current job becomes more interesting and I can stay put. :-) We shall see what January brings!
I was going to write about something else, but it slipped my mind. Ah well. We briefly talked about transition again this week. We confirmed it is measure out 2c of veggies and THEN cook. Thank goodness! I don't think I could have managed 2 cups of cooked veggies. :-) I got my multi-cooker and it is unpacked and ready to be washed for my first meal. I am intrigued by the programs where people do full fast until they reach goal. I can't help but wonder if that is a good idea or a bad idea. While it is certainly inspiring to see the scale go down quickly, I think it is also good to see the numbers go down while eating real food. They did tell us that we could buy up to 3 products/day after week 20 (our last week of transition.) I have a feeling I will be doing that. I like having my shake at night and I think that it will help ease me back into things. It's a much healthier night time snack then a bowl of ice cream and just as tasty (or that's how I remember it-ha!!) Some people in group are talking about how bored they are, some are super excited for food, some have been through this before and assure us that it isn't all that exciting when we get food because it isn't much and I guess the rest of us are just hanging out. :-) I am in that group for sure. I am just trying to think of transition as more rule following. I plan to mostly eat the same things every day to make it easy (or at least the few items every week.) They say the people who are successful at losing weight and keeping it off log what they eat, monitor their weight, get 30-60min of exercise and pretty much eat the same foods all the time. Eating other things will be saved for dinners out with friends.
Guess that's all I've got for tonight!
Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! Until next week (or until I need to write!)
Friday, December 25, 2015
Friday, December 18, 2015
End of Week 10!!
So only 6 weeks to go and (5 weekends) before transition! It really feels like it has flown by!! This week I am down another 3.6 for a grand total of 32.2lbs. That's an average of 3lbs/week which is right on track. :-)
I am very happy with the weight loss. I'm feeling stronger and more like I will be able to meet my goals and get back to a healthy weight and enjoy staying there. I miss those days! Of course back then I thought I was fat at 155 (and I'm 5'8") so I wonder if anyone is ever truly happy with where their weight is at. I'm trying to think of it more as getting to a point where I can physically enjoy all the things I want to do and be comfortable doing them.
I have been stressed the last few weeks still about work. I'm considering making a change. I really love the vision I have in mind for how I want to function in ambulatory care, but when the director of your department and definitely not the practice administrator don't have that same vision it makes your vision seem impossible. It really would take all of those people to change my role which is why it is so frustrating!! I'm going to give it one more chat and if we can't make it work I think I'm going to go back to floor nursing while I finish my degree. There is a day shift position with the satellite unit of one of the major children's hospitals here. I am not crazy about the thought, but it is sort of a relief in a way too. I just really wish I could make this job what I want, but that's just not the way healthcare works. It makes me sad to think about it, but then I think about the pluses too: days off during the week, more money and feeling like a nurse again top the list. We shall see! I'm going to give it some thought the next couple of weeks before I actually apply (and talk to my current employers about whether they will ever be able to use me to my full scope of practice.) One thing I noticed is that in the past I probably would have stopped for pizza or ordered pizza and drowned my feelings in too many slices, but instead I had a good frustrated cry (it's also TOM so that does NOT help). The cry was cathartic and I'm hoping I'm thinking a little clearer. The other benefit to the position is that it gets me into a great health care system so that I have priority for jobs when I graduate! So I could get back into ambulatory or whatever and hopefully find something I really want. I really want my next job to be my forever job. Anyway, lots to think about and yeah me for not cheating!
On Rewards!
I have met 3 5lb goals so I bought myself a multi-cooker! I know I can't use it for a while, but it will be ready when I eat. This weekend I plan to get my apt cleaned up and find a spot for it on my counter top. :-) Our discussion this week was actually about rewards. I am rewarded every time I do my run/walk with beautiful views, a clearer mind (why am I not running when I come home frustrated?), loads of energy and feelings of confidence. I suppose those would fit into the physiological and psychological reward categories. I'm thinking a monetary reward would be putting money for some of my other rewards in a jar for doing things like strength training or drinking water or eating at my table or eating at my table in silence. :-) And non-monetary is apparently purchasing things (that doesn't make sense to me really, but I will take it.) So all the things I have already put on my reward list are those. :-) I don't remember the other types, but that's a good start. Ha! Think I'll start with strength training goals this week. I already have run/walk goals (I get to buy a song for my playlist with every week I complete of C25K). I should probably come up with a goal for completing the first 8 weeks since that is the 5k part and maybe another for the 10k part, etc. I guess I hadn't gotten very far on rewards. Anyway, for now I'll say for every strength workout I get to put $5 in a jar for fun stuff!
That's all for tonight! Best of luck wherever you are in your journey to whoever might be reading!
I am very happy with the weight loss. I'm feeling stronger and more like I will be able to meet my goals and get back to a healthy weight and enjoy staying there. I miss those days! Of course back then I thought I was fat at 155 (and I'm 5'8") so I wonder if anyone is ever truly happy with where their weight is at. I'm trying to think of it more as getting to a point where I can physically enjoy all the things I want to do and be comfortable doing them.
I have been stressed the last few weeks still about work. I'm considering making a change. I really love the vision I have in mind for how I want to function in ambulatory care, but when the director of your department and definitely not the practice administrator don't have that same vision it makes your vision seem impossible. It really would take all of those people to change my role which is why it is so frustrating!! I'm going to give it one more chat and if we can't make it work I think I'm going to go back to floor nursing while I finish my degree. There is a day shift position with the satellite unit of one of the major children's hospitals here. I am not crazy about the thought, but it is sort of a relief in a way too. I just really wish I could make this job what I want, but that's just not the way healthcare works. It makes me sad to think about it, but then I think about the pluses too: days off during the week, more money and feeling like a nurse again top the list. We shall see! I'm going to give it some thought the next couple of weeks before I actually apply (and talk to my current employers about whether they will ever be able to use me to my full scope of practice.) One thing I noticed is that in the past I probably would have stopped for pizza or ordered pizza and drowned my feelings in too many slices, but instead I had a good frustrated cry (it's also TOM so that does NOT help). The cry was cathartic and I'm hoping I'm thinking a little clearer. The other benefit to the position is that it gets me into a great health care system so that I have priority for jobs when I graduate! So I could get back into ambulatory or whatever and hopefully find something I really want. I really want my next job to be my forever job. Anyway, lots to think about and yeah me for not cheating!
On Rewards!
I have met 3 5lb goals so I bought myself a multi-cooker! I know I can't use it for a while, but it will be ready when I eat. This weekend I plan to get my apt cleaned up and find a spot for it on my counter top. :-) Our discussion this week was actually about rewards. I am rewarded every time I do my run/walk with beautiful views, a clearer mind (why am I not running when I come home frustrated?), loads of energy and feelings of confidence. I suppose those would fit into the physiological and psychological reward categories. I'm thinking a monetary reward would be putting money for some of my other rewards in a jar for doing things like strength training or drinking water or eating at my table or eating at my table in silence. :-) And non-monetary is apparently purchasing things (that doesn't make sense to me really, but I will take it.) So all the things I have already put on my reward list are those. :-) I don't remember the other types, but that's a good start. Ha! Think I'll start with strength training goals this week. I already have run/walk goals (I get to buy a song for my playlist with every week I complete of C25K). I should probably come up with a goal for completing the first 8 weeks since that is the 5k part and maybe another for the 10k part, etc. I guess I hadn't gotten very far on rewards. Anyway, for now I'll say for every strength workout I get to put $5 in a jar for fun stuff!
That's all for tonight! Best of luck wherever you are in your journey to whoever might be reading!
Sunday, December 13, 2015
Laziness...
It's looking like the weather predictors are going to be right and it might actually be an El Nino winter. I hope so! We need the water in CA and I do love listening to the rain! Unfortunately, I seem to be using a couple hours of rain as an excuse to not get outside and do my run/walk. Technically I am on week 5 day 3, but it has taken me about 7 weeks to get there. It all started with the little tweak in my back and continued with rain excuses. So I've only been doing 2 run/walks per week. I wish I was more disappointed, but I'm just happy to be doing something. I'm still getting at least 30min of exercise in daily so that's the most important thing! Another excuse I keep using is that the dogs are a pain in my butt out there. But they need their exercise too and I don't know that it is a good idea for me to do too much while I'm on such a low calorie diet. I do get dizzy and even more hungry when I have more than exercise. What I suppose I should do is take the dogs out for my warm up, bring them back in and head out for my run/walk and then give them a longer walk in the evening. Or vice versa-do their longer walk in the am and my run/walk in the evening. It's only 30min 3 times a week after all!! So silly! So that's why I think it is just laziness. :-)
I am starting to feel a little like it is my last semester in the school year again. You know that point? Where it's so close you can taste it, but not quite close enough? I have been at it for 122 days according to My Fitness Pal. It gave me the 120 day streak 2 days ago, so that's probably an estimate. :-) I have 45 days left until I start the 4 week transition. Putting it like that makes it look like I am well on my way to transition. Yeah! Just over a month. Less than a travel nurse assignment. Phew...I have bought a couple new spices and will try out some new recipes the next few weeks. That ought to keep me going. I finally bought whole bean coffee so that I can use my grinder and french press. I didn't quite make grind enough beans. I'll have to work on that. I used the calculations on the kettle and the grinder, but then realized that I don't really know if the kettle thinks of a cup as 6oz or 8oz or 5oz or any of the other ways cups of coffee and tea are measured. Ah well, tomorrow I will use more beans (or less water).
I've also started researching kitchen equipment to buy. I had made a list of rewards several weeks ago and haven't bought any yet. I could have bought 2. One of the things I'm rethinking is the steamer. I think I might combine several rewards and get a fancy counter top multi-cooker or electric steamer. The kitchen aid looks really nice, but it's pricy. There are cheaper options, but since it's a reward I want the best. I think the 200lb mark I will get that reward. That way I will have it for transition week!! The other reward that I haven't bought yet but really want to before transition is cute bowls and plates. The only thing I was thinking on the plates is they can wait because I do have those smaller ones, so they aren't needed for transition. SO, I think the other thing I will get before then is my cute smaller bowls. I might even just buy one here and there and have a cute little collection of mismatch bowls. The other thing I really want to buy is a spiralizer. I could get the fancy Inspiralized one, but there are cheaper options that work as well too. That can be a later goal as I know they really just want us having steamed veggies when we enter transition. I really think I will get good use out of the multi cooker. Esp since you can do grains, veggies and meat all at once. We can't have grains for a while, but eventually. I feel like I could have everything prepped the day before and even in the steamer dishes and then just throw it in when I get home from work, turn on the steamer take the pups out for 15-20min and then come home and eat. See? I have it all planned. That's the key to success right? I'm going a little crazy reading all these healthy recipes. I should start pinning them for the future.
Other than starting to feel slightly bored, I am doing well. I have cut back on the fluids and I plan to really add up my fluids for the day and not just water. I think that cutting back a little has helped with the dizziness. It has been better for sure. I'll keep it up and we will see.
On a non-diet topic...I can't remember if I mentioned I took out the personal loan to pay off my credit cards. I will be sticking to a very strict cash budget for the next 18mo which will hopefully continue after so that the money I was paying for the debt can be saved for a down payment on a condo in about 6-7 years. I could save 100000 by then which is just enough of a down payment in the bay area! That's almost an entire house or a 50% down payment in Kansas City! So crazy! It would actually be a decent down payment in SoCal as well if I'm ready to make that move by then. I will be only 15 years from retirement by then after all!
Yikes!! One day at a time....geez...
I am starting to feel a little like it is my last semester in the school year again. You know that point? Where it's so close you can taste it, but not quite close enough? I have been at it for 122 days according to My Fitness Pal. It gave me the 120 day streak 2 days ago, so that's probably an estimate. :-) I have 45 days left until I start the 4 week transition. Putting it like that makes it look like I am well on my way to transition. Yeah! Just over a month. Less than a travel nurse assignment. Phew...I have bought a couple new spices and will try out some new recipes the next few weeks. That ought to keep me going. I finally bought whole bean coffee so that I can use my grinder and french press. I didn't quite make grind enough beans. I'll have to work on that. I used the calculations on the kettle and the grinder, but then realized that I don't really know if the kettle thinks of a cup as 6oz or 8oz or 5oz or any of the other ways cups of coffee and tea are measured. Ah well, tomorrow I will use more beans (or less water).
I've also started researching kitchen equipment to buy. I had made a list of rewards several weeks ago and haven't bought any yet. I could have bought 2. One of the things I'm rethinking is the steamer. I think I might combine several rewards and get a fancy counter top multi-cooker or electric steamer. The kitchen aid looks really nice, but it's pricy. There are cheaper options, but since it's a reward I want the best. I think the 200lb mark I will get that reward. That way I will have it for transition week!! The other reward that I haven't bought yet but really want to before transition is cute bowls and plates. The only thing I was thinking on the plates is they can wait because I do have those smaller ones, so they aren't needed for transition. SO, I think the other thing I will get before then is my cute smaller bowls. I might even just buy one here and there and have a cute little collection of mismatch bowls. The other thing I really want to buy is a spiralizer. I could get the fancy Inspiralized one, but there are cheaper options that work as well too. That can be a later goal as I know they really just want us having steamed veggies when we enter transition. I really think I will get good use out of the multi cooker. Esp since you can do grains, veggies and meat all at once. We can't have grains for a while, but eventually. I feel like I could have everything prepped the day before and even in the steamer dishes and then just throw it in when I get home from work, turn on the steamer take the pups out for 15-20min and then come home and eat. See? I have it all planned. That's the key to success right? I'm going a little crazy reading all these healthy recipes. I should start pinning them for the future.
Other than starting to feel slightly bored, I am doing well. I have cut back on the fluids and I plan to really add up my fluids for the day and not just water. I think that cutting back a little has helped with the dizziness. It has been better for sure. I'll keep it up and we will see.
On a non-diet topic...I can't remember if I mentioned I took out the personal loan to pay off my credit cards. I will be sticking to a very strict cash budget for the next 18mo which will hopefully continue after so that the money I was paying for the debt can be saved for a down payment on a condo in about 6-7 years. I could save 100000 by then which is just enough of a down payment in the bay area! That's almost an entire house or a 50% down payment in Kansas City! So crazy! It would actually be a decent down payment in SoCal as well if I'm ready to make that move by then. I will be only 15 years from retirement by then after all!
Yikes!! One day at a time....geez...
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Week 10 and Dizziness!
I feel like I have been really lucky so far. I haven't had issues with the supplements, I haven't lost any hair, I haven't suffered headaches (other than a couple times I didn't drink enough fluids) and my hunger has been controlled by my plan to have a glass of water and wait and then have my product if I am still hungry. I would say I get hungry every 2hrs or 2.5 depending on my fitness that day. I think it's best to start that habit now so that I keep that habit when I move to real food (in 7 weeks!!)
So that brings me to why I am posting about dizziness...I have been dizzy since Monday. At first I attributed it to too much coffee on Monday, but it seems the reality is more like too many fluids. We were instructed to consume 64oz of fluid in addition to the fluids we get from the products. This would mean that if I do 5 liquid products/day I'm getting about 104oz of fluids plus a couple here and there for some other fluids I don't count (like the 8oz I use for the metamucil or the 4oz I mix up for my coffee shakes since I add it to 8oz of coffee). Anyway, I emailed the MD today and the response I got was to go back to 3 shakes, 2 bars and 1 soup. I did that until last Thursday. Basically, if I'm getting too many fluids, my sodium is probably a little low although my labs are ok. So I'm gonna try it. And since I don't have enough bars this week to really test it I will just eliminate a glass of water.
On to more exciting news...I am down 28.6lbs. I am quite happy with that. And I'm still on track to be halfway to my ultimate goal by the time I transition to food. I am not as nervous about transition as I think I should be. I think one of the reasons is that I'm really good at counting calories. What I am not good at is eating consistently throughout the day so that I'm not starving by the time I leave work. So that will be a big goal for me. I have never really been more than 20lbs overweight before and that was only twice, the pounds came off fast and although I gained it back I also lost it right away again. The times I gained it back were times in my life that I went through some depressing things. So my other big goal will be to not use food as comfort! I will have to be motivated to go out and run with the dogs instead. :-)
We very briefly talked about transition in class this week. Someone asked so our facilitator told us. She says the first week will be 3oz of protein and 2cups of cooked vegetables...That is a ton of cooked veggies! From what I had read online it was like 1/2cup. I'm a little worried about the volume. Especially because it is supposed to be steamed. I'm hoping they will tell us steamed, but that we can add no calorie seasonings even if we can't add oil. 2 cups of asparagus seems like a lot. :-) I might become the queen of cauliflower mash. Ha!
One of the guys in our class mentioned not seeing himself as smaller. In a way I wish I was having that issue now! I seem to see myself as smaller than I really am. :-) One tip for him was to draw the outline of your body on a piece of paper and then have someone trace you and see the difference. I've always thought that is an interesting task, but I think not needed for me at this point. Another suggestion was that he go buy clothes that fit! And I suggested he look at his face in pictures.
Someone cheated this week. She had lima beans and a cookie. Another lady cheated with a taco. At least she did it right. :-) I don't plan to cheat at all! I feel like I would just regret it if I don't follow the plan to a "T." In my head I would always wonder what would have happened if I hadn't and think maybe I would have lost more weight. I already regret not getting 10000 steps per day every day! I think I am getting close to 9000 most days now. I guess I should look at that closer next week! I am doing about 2 days of run/walk the last 2 weeks. The reason for this week was the dizziness. Last week was laziness. But at least I still walked. :-)
Guess that's all I've got for tonight!
So that brings me to why I am posting about dizziness...I have been dizzy since Monday. At first I attributed it to too much coffee on Monday, but it seems the reality is more like too many fluids. We were instructed to consume 64oz of fluid in addition to the fluids we get from the products. This would mean that if I do 5 liquid products/day I'm getting about 104oz of fluids plus a couple here and there for some other fluids I don't count (like the 8oz I use for the metamucil or the 4oz I mix up for my coffee shakes since I add it to 8oz of coffee). Anyway, I emailed the MD today and the response I got was to go back to 3 shakes, 2 bars and 1 soup. I did that until last Thursday. Basically, if I'm getting too many fluids, my sodium is probably a little low although my labs are ok. So I'm gonna try it. And since I don't have enough bars this week to really test it I will just eliminate a glass of water.
On to more exciting news...I am down 28.6lbs. I am quite happy with that. And I'm still on track to be halfway to my ultimate goal by the time I transition to food. I am not as nervous about transition as I think I should be. I think one of the reasons is that I'm really good at counting calories. What I am not good at is eating consistently throughout the day so that I'm not starving by the time I leave work. So that will be a big goal for me. I have never really been more than 20lbs overweight before and that was only twice, the pounds came off fast and although I gained it back I also lost it right away again. The times I gained it back were times in my life that I went through some depressing things. So my other big goal will be to not use food as comfort! I will have to be motivated to go out and run with the dogs instead. :-)
We very briefly talked about transition in class this week. Someone asked so our facilitator told us. She says the first week will be 3oz of protein and 2cups of cooked vegetables...That is a ton of cooked veggies! From what I had read online it was like 1/2cup. I'm a little worried about the volume. Especially because it is supposed to be steamed. I'm hoping they will tell us steamed, but that we can add no calorie seasonings even if we can't add oil. 2 cups of asparagus seems like a lot. :-) I might become the queen of cauliflower mash. Ha!
One of the guys in our class mentioned not seeing himself as smaller. In a way I wish I was having that issue now! I seem to see myself as smaller than I really am. :-) One tip for him was to draw the outline of your body on a piece of paper and then have someone trace you and see the difference. I've always thought that is an interesting task, but I think not needed for me at this point. Another suggestion was that he go buy clothes that fit! And I suggested he look at his face in pictures.
Someone cheated this week. She had lima beans and a cookie. Another lady cheated with a taco. At least she did it right. :-) I don't plan to cheat at all! I feel like I would just regret it if I don't follow the plan to a "T." In my head I would always wonder what would have happened if I hadn't and think maybe I would have lost more weight. I already regret not getting 10000 steps per day every day! I think I am getting close to 9000 most days now. I guess I should look at that closer next week! I am doing about 2 days of run/walk the last 2 weeks. The reason for this week was the dizziness. Last week was laziness. But at least I still walked. :-)
Guess that's all I've got for tonight!
Friday, December 4, 2015
If everyday were like today...
I am logging my shakes, soups and bars in My Fitness Pal. The best part of the day (and probably most motivating) is when you complete the entry and it says "If everyday were like today you would weight *** in 5 weeks." Seriously...I love that! I don't really know how accurate it is, but it must be somewhat. :-) I do have to "cheat" and lie to MFP a little bit by doing a "Quick Add" of 30-40 calories, because MFP doesn't want to support anorexia or unhealthy diets so they won't let you enter calories less than 1000. Ah well. I'm ok with that sort of cheating.
So the last couple of nights I've been told by MFP that I have the potential to be 198lbs in 5 weeks! The significance is obvious...I will finally be under 200lbs. I spent all of my life under 200lbs until I starting gaining weight when my BFF was battling and passed away from cancer in 2008/9. I was living with her, her husband and her daughter and helping them out at the time. I sprained both of my ankles that winter and then at that point I had already gained about 40lbs from my sort of "normal" weight. By normal I guess I mean the weight I used to think I was fat, but was actually healthy. I looked good in clothes, I could wear what I wanted, but I was always wanting to be model thin. That weight is 155. Anyway, I always go on about when I gained every pound and it's probably weird that I can remember them. If I get back to 198 then I will have officially lost all of the weight that I gained in that very sad time in my life. The 40 I gained first happened when I first went away to be a travel nurse. My friend had just been diagnosed (2007) and I moved to Huntington Beach for a 13wk travel assignment. I started out gaining about 10lbs and thought it was the end of the world or something. I had gained and lost that 10lbs a few times-and it didn't even put me in the overweight category!! Anyway, after that 10lbs I took a 5mo travel assignment in San Diego and gained another 30. I will never work night shift again!! Every night shift assignment resulted in weight gain for me! Due to lack of activity, depression from never seeing sunlight and feeling the need to eat constantly when I wasn't asleep. So there you go....My ultimate high weight was actually about 255, so really a 100lb gain. I managed to lose about 30 of those pounds but gained them back when I...took another night shift job!! Oops! Ah well, I know what I did wrong and I am determined to never lose control again!
I was thinking the other day that I feel like I wasted the years between Oct 2009 and now. So 6 years of my life gone! I can't look back-I can only look forward. I did see a lot and do a lot in those years and I want to revisit many of those places and enjoy them even more when I can move my body better!!! I was also thinking that there are 2 groups of people who know me. The ones who knew me before the gain (and during part of it) and the ones who have only known me fat. I feel like the ones that have only known me fat are only going to have known me overweight are going to always think of me as the fat girl who lost a bunch of weight. They will say things like "oh yeah she lost like 100lbs once." The thought of this terrifies me. I am slightly afraid that when I lose the weight I am going to want to move somewhere no one knows me again...or perhaps somewhere like San Diego or Orange County where I know a couple people who knew me in the in between phase. Arghhh...I guess we will see what life brings in the next year. I am also trying to think of all the things that losing weight will help me do here! One of which is find the perfect nursing role for me. It will likely not be with the clinic I am at now, but I will have the confidence to do what I want and to really think about what that is! It should make me proud that I lost all that weight and I can't keep thinking about the past. I will also admit that I let me old friendships in KC go because I was embarrassed to let them see how much weight I gained. :-( There is also nothing I can do about that but move forward, maybe try and rekindle those friendships when I return for holidays. Or just be ok with have Facebook friendships with them.
I didn't plan to write all of that, but I guess that's what journaling/blogging is all about, huh? :-)
Moving on and moving forward...and hoping to enter the new year in almost a new "century"of weight. :-)
So the last couple of nights I've been told by MFP that I have the potential to be 198lbs in 5 weeks! The significance is obvious...I will finally be under 200lbs. I spent all of my life under 200lbs until I starting gaining weight when my BFF was battling and passed away from cancer in 2008/9. I was living with her, her husband and her daughter and helping them out at the time. I sprained both of my ankles that winter and then at that point I had already gained about 40lbs from my sort of "normal" weight. By normal I guess I mean the weight I used to think I was fat, but was actually healthy. I looked good in clothes, I could wear what I wanted, but I was always wanting to be model thin. That weight is 155. Anyway, I always go on about when I gained every pound and it's probably weird that I can remember them. If I get back to 198 then I will have officially lost all of the weight that I gained in that very sad time in my life. The 40 I gained first happened when I first went away to be a travel nurse. My friend had just been diagnosed (2007) and I moved to Huntington Beach for a 13wk travel assignment. I started out gaining about 10lbs and thought it was the end of the world or something. I had gained and lost that 10lbs a few times-and it didn't even put me in the overweight category!! Anyway, after that 10lbs I took a 5mo travel assignment in San Diego and gained another 30. I will never work night shift again!! Every night shift assignment resulted in weight gain for me! Due to lack of activity, depression from never seeing sunlight and feeling the need to eat constantly when I wasn't asleep. So there you go....My ultimate high weight was actually about 255, so really a 100lb gain. I managed to lose about 30 of those pounds but gained them back when I...took another night shift job!! Oops! Ah well, I know what I did wrong and I am determined to never lose control again!
I was thinking the other day that I feel like I wasted the years between Oct 2009 and now. So 6 years of my life gone! I can't look back-I can only look forward. I did see a lot and do a lot in those years and I want to revisit many of those places and enjoy them even more when I can move my body better!!! I was also thinking that there are 2 groups of people who know me. The ones who knew me before the gain (and during part of it) and the ones who have only known me fat. I feel like the ones that have only known me fat are only going to have known me overweight are going to always think of me as the fat girl who lost a bunch of weight. They will say things like "oh yeah she lost like 100lbs once." The thought of this terrifies me. I am slightly afraid that when I lose the weight I am going to want to move somewhere no one knows me again...or perhaps somewhere like San Diego or Orange County where I know a couple people who knew me in the in between phase. Arghhh...I guess we will see what life brings in the next year. I am also trying to think of all the things that losing weight will help me do here! One of which is find the perfect nursing role for me. It will likely not be with the clinic I am at now, but I will have the confidence to do what I want and to really think about what that is! It should make me proud that I lost all that weight and I can't keep thinking about the past. I will also admit that I let me old friendships in KC go because I was embarrassed to let them see how much weight I gained. :-( There is also nothing I can do about that but move forward, maybe try and rekindle those friendships when I return for holidays. Or just be ok with have Facebook friendships with them.
I didn't plan to write all of that, but I guess that's what journaling/blogging is all about, huh? :-)
Moving on and moving forward...and hoping to enter the new year in almost a new "century"of weight. :-)
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Halfway there!!!
And by halfway I just mean halfway through with the full fast or "active weight loss" phase. Yeah!! It feels good to be there!
So here is a summary:
Optifast products: 6 per day...I typically have 4 shakes, 1 bar and 1 soup
Cheats: ZERO!!!!!!!
Water: at least 64oz per day, often times 72oz plus the fluid from the shakes. :-)
Weight at start: 241.6
Todays weight: 215.8
Total weight lost: 25.8lbs
3.7lbs/week
Weeks of product: 7
I'm somewhat surprised that I'm averaging 3.7lbs/week. I thought I would stay closer to the 2-3lb range. I do know that I lost more the first week so it ups the average, but I guess I thought it would even out by then. :-) Yeah!
I took the dogs on a walk this morning. I can't seem to make myself run/walk on Thursdays. I just don't get enough sleep because I need a couple hours to wind down at night and I don't think I get it when I don't get home til 8. Ah well. As long as I walk! I also parked at the free lot for the hospital that is about a 10min walk away. Doing both of those things brought me very close to 10000 steps per day so I think I'll keep that up.
I still feel like I should be more nervous to either go back to food or maintain, but I'm really just focusing on getting the job done! I've lost weight counting calories before so I'm not too worried about that part especially since I think I will have momentum going into it. As far as maintenance goes, I'll see when I get there!
A running coach came to talk to us last night. I've seen his car around town and I've been curious. During the maintenance phase Kaiser has lifestyle courses. One is going to be a running group. I have a feeling I'll be joining that one.
Other than that not much is going on. I suppose that's a good thing!!
So here is a summary:
Optifast products: 6 per day...I typically have 4 shakes, 1 bar and 1 soup
Cheats: ZERO!!!!!!!
Water: at least 64oz per day, often times 72oz plus the fluid from the shakes. :-)
Weight at start: 241.6
Todays weight: 215.8
Total weight lost: 25.8lbs
3.7lbs/week
Weeks of product: 7
I'm somewhat surprised that I'm averaging 3.7lbs/week. I thought I would stay closer to the 2-3lb range. I do know that I lost more the first week so it ups the average, but I guess I thought it would even out by then. :-) Yeah!
I took the dogs on a walk this morning. I can't seem to make myself run/walk on Thursdays. I just don't get enough sleep because I need a couple hours to wind down at night and I don't think I get it when I don't get home til 8. Ah well. As long as I walk! I also parked at the free lot for the hospital that is about a 10min walk away. Doing both of those things brought me very close to 10000 steps per day so I think I'll keep that up.
I still feel like I should be more nervous to either go back to food or maintain, but I'm really just focusing on getting the job done! I've lost weight counting calories before so I'm not too worried about that part especially since I think I will have momentum going into it. As far as maintenance goes, I'll see when I get there!
A running coach came to talk to us last night. I've seen his car around town and I've been curious. During the maintenance phase Kaiser has lifestyle courses. One is going to be a running group. I have a feeling I'll be joining that one.
Other than that not much is going on. I suppose that's a good thing!!
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